Cold Cases and Hunger
by TogetherSomewhere
Summary: Regina is the head of Mills & Locksley Law firm. Four months after a tragic accident, she starts getting notes in red envelopes, who is this mysterious admirer, and will they ever have a chance at winning Regina's heart again after it has been damaged and closed up? (M rated for later chapters) THIS IS AN SQ FANFICTION
1. A Red Little Envelope

**Cold Cases and Hunger**

 _ **A/N Hello my lovely readers, this is a new story of mine that I have been working on for quite some time now, and after weeks of thinking it through I decided I was going to write it and do this story.**_

 _ **Why I have been doubting this is because there is a subject involved that is rather painful to me, but I suppose that this way I have some sort of way to explain how it is to have it.**_

 _ **WARNING: In this story Regina has an eating disorder, if you don't want to read it because of that , than that is okay, but this is my way of dealing with my own since I relapsed into it I suppose.**_

 _ **Happy reading and I hope you are going to like this story!**_

 _ **x R.**_

* * *

She felt the hunger nag at her, gnawing at her stomach like some beast the was devouring her from within, growling, but every time she even dared to look at food her mother's words rang in her mind telling her not to do it. Not to eat that food if she wanted to risk losing the figure she trained so hard for.

"Regina, you alright?" She heard her assistant Ashley ask her in that sweet soft voice she always used. It was that voice, that just like today, shook her out of her train of thoughts.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Any more information about the Kingsley case?" She asked the blonde as she popped a piece of mint flavoured chewing gum in her mouth to still the gnawing beast. The Kinsley case had been something she had been working on for a rather long time now, The daughter of the big Leopold Kingsley, Mary Margaret Kingsley had been trialed for the murder of Kathryn Nolan, the wife of the now widower David Nolan. The complicated part about this was that Mary and David were having an affair, or well, it was rumoured that they had.

And now it was Regina's job, one of the partners of one of the biggest law firms in the whole New York, to prove that Mary wa innocent, and that she had been framed by that nasty Mr. Glass. At least that is what she is trying to prove, but for that she will need evidence.

"Ashley call our investigator Emma please, We need her help for this one." Regina said, and then she realized she had completely missed Ashley's answer about the KIngsley case, her reeling mind, and painfully empty stomach were distracting her more than she thought.

That aside though, she needed to focus on this case, because it was important. The Kingsley's were people that needed her firm rather often and were big spenders when it came to lawyers, for they only wanted the best senior associates, or the partners of the firm, no one less.

"Ma'am I already told you, Ms. Swan wants to talk to you as soon as possible with some new information she has found on Mr. Glass." Ashley said with a slightly furrowed brow.

Her boss had been doing this a lot more as of late, zoning out for a few stomach, sometimes gripping her stomach in the process as if it were hurting. She seemed less focused, or well it seemed like she wasn't as focused as she was a few months back. But, asking questions wasn't something she was allowed to do, she had learned that the hard way, when Regina released her temper onto the poor blonde.

"Oh right, my apologies for that, Tell Emma I will be able to have her in my office in about thirty minutes." Regina said and then walked back into her own rather large office, back to doing some of the paper work her partner Locksley hadn't finished before his break of two weeks he was taking. Not that she had a problem with that, the man deserved a break, that way he, his wife Marian, and his two year old son Roland were at least able to have some family time together.

It was just a lot to be handling right now, because it was a rather large amount of paperwork that had to be done. This needed to be finished before she could even fully work on the Kingsley case of course.

So Regina put on her reading glasses, that always had been just a bit too big, but they were a gift from her father, so she would never even want another pair, and got on with the paperwork. Praying that the gnawing of the beast called hunger would be dormant for just a while longer. Just so that she could finish this.

This was just some paperwork to finalise a case that they had already won, and to be honest, she didn't really mind doing it, because she saw it as a change to shut her overfull brain off for a moment and just not think.

After the last few months, she was happy to 'not think' for a moment or two, before the blonde investigator came along. This shouldn't take that long anyway.

Hunger. No, not hunger. She wasn't hungry, she needed to focus on the papers in front of her, not on the body part that always seemed to betray her in the silent moments by letting out a loud growl, no. Not hunger.

Regina adjusted the black-rimmed reading glasses on her nose, that kept sliding off and scanned the pages with her eyes to make sure there were no mistakes, and then sign on the lines that needed her signature.

Just when she scrawled down the last signature with her fountain pen, there was a distinct knock on her door, that three seconds later swung open, to make Regina aware of the blonde presence.

that damned woman still knew nothing of manners, or waiting for permission to enter her office, oh well.

"Good day Gina." The blonde said with a wide smile, her whole dominant presence immediately filling the room, and making Regina feel suffocated. The blonde just had something about her, that always demanded that you look at her, that always managed to drag your attention from what you were doing towards her.

"It is Ms. Mills for you, or is your brain to ruined by your cheap coffee to understand that?" Regina snarled, she didn't really want to be that bitchy and short with the blonde, but her mood wasn't the best today, and it now felt like the beast that was previously gnawing at her stomach, was devouring it, demanding more food. That and other things were excellent conditions for a short temper and a bad mood in Regina's book.

"I see the kitty has her claws out this time." Emma said, unfazed by the brunette's temper, she had seen it too many times to be scared of it anymore really, and she knew the brunette had her reasons to be short tempered, so she accepted it for now. "I wanted to meet with you, because I had some new things on the Kingsley case, _Ms. Mills_." The blonde said before a hot headed brunette could react to the previous comment of Emma.

"Well stop wasting time then, and show me what you have. We only have one month before it will be taken to court, we need all the information and proof we can get. I cannot afford to lose this case, it will give us a bad name and make us lose an important client." Regina said seriously and took off her reading glasses to look straight at Emma without any obstrictions.

"Well I have some information that will make Mr. Glass's alibi invalid. Turns out that he wasn't late at his work making over hours, he was spotted by security cameras only a mile away from the crime scene." The blonde said and situated herself on one of the more luxurious chair inside Regina's big office. Chairs that were most of the time only used by said blonde, since the brunette only even at at her desk or paced around in the room, or as of late, stare out of the enormous glass window that looked over a vast sight of New York City.

The blonde might not admit it out loud, but the brunette intrigued her in many ways no other person ever had. The woman was poised, mysterious. An enigma wrapped in a puzzle, shrouded by mist and almost impossible to figure out. That was what Emma used as excuse to watch her, to look at how sometimes those brown orbs showed so many emotions, and other times seemed shielded off to the rest of the world, and radiated ice into the whole room, making the temperature drop by a few degrees. Or well, that was what is felt like.

"Okay, so he was seen there, but how can we prove to the jury and the judge that he was guilty, that he planted the murder weapon on Mary and made her seem like the one that has done the killing?" Regina then said, not even looking at Emma but staring out of the window again, thus, missing the look Emma gave her.

"Well, you know those unidentified fingerprints that were found on the murder weapon? I may have found out that those are his as well." Emma said with a proud smile, for once a case was actually going without too much trouble.

"That is good. that is better than good, it is magnificent. And since we have his motive, this should make preparing the speech and proving Mary innocent, no too big of a problem." Regina said, the ghost of a smile dancing at her lips. That was the closest she would come to smiling nowadays.

Emma felt that familiar pang of pain ricochet through her heart again at seeing Regina's face. It had been the closest to smiling Emma had ever seen Regina come, but the pain in her eyes and her whole demeanor stopped it from actually looking like a smile, something that made Emma ache to see a genuine smile on that face, and those eyes that would actually shine with happiness.

She just guessed that something like that would not be happening anytime soon. Not after what happening four months ago, it actually surprised Emma that one day after the accident, she was already back to work. Not that many people actually know what happened. They just know there was something that had changed the head of this law firm, and that her temper was now shorter than ever and more fiery than ever, and that she would refuse most cases or give them to the senior associates.

Emma knew because well, it was what she did, gathering intel on people that didn't want anyone to know that intel was her job. So she found out what happened, and now she had no idea how in hell Regina could even do her job anymore, but it wasn't her place to ask something like that about something as sensitive as that.

"Ms. Swan." Regina said with a hint of anger lacing her voice. "Are you even listening to me?" The brunette said, her temper already starting to flare.

"Sorry, my thoughts drifted off for a second."

"Daydreaming can be done outside of work hours, thank you. If you weren't so damned good at your job, I would have certainly fired you already, you know that right?" Regina said angrily and hoped that would make Emma leave, she wanted solitude. she wanted to be alone and have silence around her. To be without such a demanding presence in the room, because it wasn't something she needed right now.

Emma got the message loud and clear, having heard that threat at least ten times the last four months already, and accepting them as they come really, it was only logical that she needed to let the pent up emotions go somehow. Emma left the room and let Regina be, she had a job to do anyway, finding out how they could make sure that Sydney Glass was going to get what he deserved.

Regina let out a sigh as Emma left and sank down into her chair, her hand automatically going towards the picture on her desk. It was a move she had made hundreds of times, ever since she had put the picture down here a year ago. Sometimes she picked it up and looked at it several times a day. Well that was before the accident of course. After?

Well after the accident she hadn't dared to look at it. pushed it down so the photo was pressed against the surface of her desk.

the only thing seeing the photo now was the dark brown wood of her desk, since her eyes couldn't take it. couldn't look at what she had lost, what she had lost because of herself. Because she- No, she couldn't think about this. couldn't possibly go over it again at work, because that would make her break again. and she hadn't done that for three and a half months right now.

She was a strong woman that would not waste her time crying, emotions were only a waste of time, or so her mother had taught her. Her mother, the only family she had left right about now.

Life was a cruel thing, but she already knew that. That was a thing that was taught to her at a very young age she supposed, but it would do no good to dwell on any of that now.

She stopped her hand an inch before it reached the frame that was holding the picture she was able to look at anymore. She was not going to do it, going to be weak. No, that wasn't who she was. She would never be weak again.

Regina released a deep sigh and let her head sink down in her hands, her elbows resting on the desk. Everyday without them seemed to just get harder and harder. Eat at her more and more. And her damned stomach would not give up with the rumbling. The gnawing getting worse, her stomach begging, pleading for some sustenance that would feed her body and give her the energy it needed to function normally again. She would not give in to that, though, hadn't been doing it for weeks now.

She had a schedule she would stick to. A maximum of a little amount of calories a day. No more, and sometimes even less. Just enough so that she wouldn't go and faint in the office, because well, that would raise far too much suspicion.

For as far as she knew, that was nobody that knew about what had happened to her four months ago, or well not to her but to..

well that didn't matter, the point was, nobody knew what had happened. Nobody knew about her eating habits, and that was the way she wanted to keep things.

Not that that paralegal Anna would come to her again and ask if something was wrong. If there was she wanted to talk about. Not that Regina would ever want to open up to anyone, let alone that annoying over excited, and overly happy girl Anna Winter. She was good at er job, if Regina was honest, but just far too chipper and chatty, not someone she likes to get along with really.

But then again, Regina didn't really get along with anyone. She didn't have friends, not really. She didn't have her fa- No, don't think about it. Thinking about it will make the pain worse than it already is. To summarize it, no she didn't have friends. She didn't have anyone to talk to, because her mother was… well her mother.

Regina heaved another sigh and got herself to sit upright again before she got her reading glasses and started reading files and papers again with information for some of the cases she has worked on or is still working on.

The red envelope was only now noticed by Regina and she carefully picked it up from between some other files. How did something with such an obvious colour get there without her watchful eye not even catching it? Normally she would have definitely noticed something like that…

She examined the envelope but couldn't detect whom would have had the brains to send something to her. She never got something, her world didn't work that way. She kept staring at the envelope that was held between her thumb and finger as if it were going to do something special if she kept staring at it.

After a few minutes, with nothing happening she turned the envelope around and opened it. Inside it she found a letter. Well more of a note really, since it only had a few sentences on it, was it a quote? She furrowed her brow as she read it, and for the first time in four months, the tiniest of smiles formed on her face, the ends of her lips slightly pointing upwards. If you didn't look very closely you wouldn't even see it.

" ' _Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, It became a butterfly'_

 _You may feel like your world is over, but after even the heaviest of rainfalls, there will be a rainbow."_

Regina read it multiple times, the tiny mile not leaving her face. Someone cared for her. Someone knew what happened four months ago, and wanted to cheer her up.

Her brow furrowed when she thought about it, who would want to cheer her up? Who would even care for her enough to leave this little note? And it didn't even say who the mystery person is…

That didn't matter though, not now. Now she was going to cherish this little note and keep it close to her, keep it somewhere where she could continue to read it until the paper itself was torn to pieces from folding it too much. Regina held the piece of paper closer to her heart before slipping it into the pocket of her blazer.

There really was someone out that that dared to care for her. that wanted her to be happy, or well feel a bit better than how she was feeling right now.

She now just prayed to whatever was out there, this wouldn't be the only little note she would get.


	2. A Nice Gesture

_**Hello again my lovely readers,**_

 _ **for this chapter I have to warn you, because while writing this I even got tears in my eyes, and I NEVER get tears in my eyes while writing, so be warned at how painful this will be.**_

 _ **I will be trying to update this as soon as possible again, but it can take a week or two before I do because school is about to start again and I need to get ready for it, and that combined with other things in my personal life right now…**_

 _ **let's just say I am busy.**_

 _ **Happy reading**_

 _ **x R.**_

 **A Nice Gesture**

 _An entire week_.

An entire week without another note, another one of those red envelopes that would cheer her up. Somehow without the notes, the world seemed a little bit dimmer. Sad. Even the weather had been a grey cloudy mess that released rain ever so often.

Regina was on her way to the big skyscraper her Law firm was located, and after just a few minutes of walking the sky decided to cry, to let all the fluids the cloud were withholding go, just at the moment Regina was walking there. Her whole body was soaked after only a few seconds of walking and she sighed, as if it could get any worse, a car sped past her, spraying even more water over her already shivering frame.

If you added that to the clawing hunger that had already rattled her fragile body, together with a pounding headache, this day really couldn't get any worse, could it? It certainly didn't feel like it when her umbrella flew out of her hands a few minutes before because of the strong surges of wind that were lapping around her.

The strong winds making her scarf dance around her neck and her clothes trying to escape from being wrapped around her.

A soft cough rattled up in her throat and escaped her mouth as she put her hand in front of it to at least not look rude as a coughing fit racked her body as well. Great, it apparently could get worse. Apparently the universe hated her so much and now gave her a cold to deal with as well, a cold that would probably last rather long since her body was… well not really that healthy anymore.

When she finally did reach the familiar skyscraper she sighed with relief and stepped inside, the warmth of the building wrapping around her like a warm blanket. enveloping her in a warm cocoon she had so longed for while walked in the storm that was still raging outside.

"Ms Mills!" She heard being called with urgency, even though it still felt strange to hear Ms instead of Mrs. But that was what she was now, no longer a married woman, no longer a happy woman, no longer anything really. The title daughter had melted away when her father was buried under a blanket of dirt in the graveyard.

"Ms Mills? Why didn't you take the car when it was this kind of weather, didn't you watch the news report about the weather, Miss?" The concerned voice asked and then she felt a hand on her shoulder. That made her slowly turn around and face the person that seemed concerned for her, probably only because she was the one that made sure she and all the other employees here got paid, but oh well.

"I wanted some fresh air before I was locked up in my office for the whole day again, this current case is grating my nerves and I need my full focus for it." Regina said before another coughing fit got the best of her and she covered her mouth again, as her whole body was being, what felt like, wrecked by the force of the coughs.

"Ms Mills, are you sure you're fit for work, you don't seem so well." The voice said again and just then it dawned on Regina that this was Ruby Lucas, sweet girl really, had an enormous crush on one of her paralegals Belle French. Funny really, they both really liked each other, but neither dared to give in to it, afraid of rejection. Maybe she should give them a push towards the other, you never know when you chance at love flies away and never comes back after all.

"I'm well enough for work Ms Lucas, I don't see how it is your business. Now please tell Ashley I wish not to be disturbed this day when she comes in in about an hour fom now. Good day." Regina said, and then walked towards the elevator and went to the top floor, her office, her little private place away from everybody else.

When she reached her floor she walked into her familiar black and white safe place and took off her black trench coat that was drenched, the water had been rather unforgiving on it. So unforgiving it seemed, that the water had seeped through the fabric and even managed to soak the clothes beneath it, her power suit ruined.

She walked to the little bathroom she had that was connected to her office, because it wasn't like she hadn't spent more than one night in her actual office working over hours for a particularly hard case, and since she always had to look pristine, she needed somewhere she could freshen up after such a night, and thus always had a change of clothes and makeup supplies stored there.

She put on the black slacks and the light blue jumper, the fabric soft against her skin, and didn't bother with the heels, getting her warm and rather thick fluffy socks to put on her feet, everybody had a guilty pleasure, and well, she liked to keep her feet warm and surrounded by soft fluffy fabrics. And after being frozen because of the water, her feet were deserving of the socks.

After she changed, she removed all the makeup that was half gone already, from her face and returned behind her desk, bare faced of any makeup, and in rather comfortable clothes.

She already knew today would be an all nighter, and she wouldn't be having anyone over in her office, so why not wear her most comfortable clothes and just get to work.

Trying to ignore her incredibly painful stomach that was pleading for food and the pounding in her head that felt like it was going to make her head explode, she put on the black rimmed glasses that slid down the slope of her nose, and got to work, throwing herself into the Kingsley case.

Regina never had really liked the fact of crying, how it would make you incoherent of any normally audible speech, your eyes leaking water that ruined your whole appearance, the snottering and sniffling and most of all the sobs that came with it, sobs that would rack your body and make you unable to stand on your own two feet most of the time, sending you either do the floor as your legs gave up on you, or force you to seek a safe place to sit down and let the sobs take over your body.

Regina hated it. It made you look weak and made you incompetent of doing anything productive.

So when a crying Mary Margaret Kingsley showed up in her office two days ago, she felt a strong feeling of loathing for the girl, but also a slight sliver of compassion, this was of course because an innocent girl like Mary was now on a trial for a murder she did not commit. How anyone could ever think that far too precious and goody goody person could commit murder, she had no clue.

But how to console the crying figure in front of her, that was something she also had no clue of how to do. Of course she had soothed people before, but not since…

Well not for a while, and with her own emotions as unorganized as they were, well she was just frozen in place and could only hope it would stop soon.

What she had not expected however, was that when she got up to lead the girl to a couch to sit, the crying girl threw her arms around Regina's body and cried out on her shoulder.

Regina froze of course, every muscle tensing. Why the hell would that girl think it wise to hug her? She didn't like physical contact with people she didn't know. She hated it really, and thus tried to push the crying messy body off of her, before it would ruin her pristine white blouse she was wearing that day.

after three whole minutes of sobbing against a tensed body Mary Margaret got the message and backed off into her own blubbering and sobbing mess again, sniffling as she tried to meet Regina's eyes through the tears that were surprisingly still leaving her eyes. It amazed egina really, that after how the tears were streaming over the red puffy cheeks, they weren't dried up by now, but that wasn't something she should be focussing on.

After another ten minutes Mary Margaret was finally able to say something, and thus was able to confirm the fact that she and David had been together in a relatonship, but that in her defence, David Nolan had promised to divorce Kathryn and be with her without keeping it a secret anymore.

The reason why she was crying was thrown at her then with the explenation, that David now denies any of those claims, denies them and has broken Mary Margaret's heart by saying they were over, since he couldn't be with someone that murdered his wife. Because in David's eyes Mary Margaret was the one who had done it to, apparently, speed up the process of the divorce. Which of course was not true, that claim had become more of a mantra really as Mary tried to explain over and over again that she hadn't done it through her whole explanation of it all. after that there were no audible words that left mary margaret's mouth as she turned into a blubbery crying mess again, and Regina decided to sent the girl out of her office and towards her assistant that could probably deal better with the problem then she now could.

But the thing about the visit was, that it had her alarms bells ringing rather badly. Why would someone you were supposed to be in love with break up with the other that easily. If David really knew the woman he was having an affair with, he would have known that timid and hopeful woman would never even be capable of hurting a fly, let alone killing a person out of jealousy. That was just an idiotic thought that could not be the real reason of the break up.

Regina sighed as she thought back at that afternoon. Mary had left after that and she had tried to come up with solutions as to why David was doing what he was doing, unless he himself was guilty of course. But they were already busy with proving that it had been Sydney, so what the hell would have been the role of David in this all. She chewed on her lip in concentration, like she did a lot nowadays, and tried to come up with something that would be a logical option.

This was how the whole day went, her coming up with things that David could have done to aid in the murder of Kathryn, but most of the times when she looked at the information they had, those theories would be proven wrong and she had to try again.

Then a coughing fit would take over hery body for a few minutes, rattling her whole body.

After a while she got tired, no food for two and a half days straight would do that to you, and thus went and laid down on the couch in her office and before she knew it she drifted off to sleep, the empty darkness luring her into a deep rest that would soon come around and plague her with memories she suppressed into the darkest parts of her mind. coming out into the light and ruin her already ruined day even further.

 _She sat in the car driving to her house, well no their house really. She looked to the side for a moment, smiling brightly at the figure next to her in the passenger seat that smiled back at her, squeezing her hand softly as she did so. That was like him, always finding ways to reassure her, making her always feel at peace, even though she had always been an anxiety filled being after the abusive relationship she had had with that damned Graham Hunter. But now that she had her Daniel with her, that always was gentle sweet and loving with her, always patient with her, it was okay. She looked to the back of the car where her father sat and her little toddler, her little Henry. It looked so sweet really, Henry Sr. and Henry Jr. next to each other, chatting with one another both wearing smiles that warmed up her heart._

 _If she hadn't done that. If she hadn't looked to the back of the car…_

 _It was all happening in slow motion now, her turning back to look at the road, tires screeching, glass crashing, metal scrunching together, the other car exploding on Daniel's side where it had slammed into them. Oh the ringing, the ringing wouldn't stop. She tried to scream, screamed her husband's name, her father's name, her son's name, tried to make contact with them, but all was hazy, unclear. like a foggy glass was placed in front of her eyes, everything hurt, but nothing hurt as much as her heart did at that moment._

 _She felt other people call out to her, to them, then sirens came, so many flashing lights. So damned man flashing lights that she felt blinded by them. Blinded when she desperately tried to see what had happened to her family, to the people she loved and the only people in her life that mattered._

 _Then there were people right behind her._

 _Pain._

 _Cutting open the door of the car, hands all over her._

 _More pain._

 _Checking for a pulse? for a sign of life? Hands pulled her onto a brancart._

 _More pain._

 _A blanket being placed over her as she was secured into the ambulance._

Pain _._

 _Pain was the only thing that was searing through her. She never passed out though, never got the bliss wash over her, that was unconsciousness. Oh no, someone out there had wanted her to see it all. How they couldn't even get Daniel's body out of the car, half of his body burnt by the explosion of the other car, the other half so damaged he didn't even look like himself anymore. But how could he?_

 _He was dead now._

 _than there came the moment she wished her own heart could have stopped beating forever, the dead body of her little boy, of her precious little prince that was her world, her sunshine, the thing that gave her life, was hoisted out of the wrecked car. His little eyes open and without any sign of life glazed over and cold, the rest of the body ruined, blood everywhere. Her little boy was dead._

 _Her husband was dead, and oh god, her father. Her father, no please that couldn't be happening, all of her family, well all the family that loved her, died. They all just died._

 _She was alone now, alone in this world. No Father, No husband and No son. Not anymore. Her perfect life ruined._

 _She was no daughter anymore, no wife anymore, no mother anymore. She was nothing anymore, not in her eyes now._

Emma knocked on the door of Regina's office, and after having no answer after three minutes she decided to turn around and go, but then she heard something from inside the office. Was it whimpering? Crying? What? Regina and crying, that did not fit together.

Emma opened the door and found an adorable Regina Mills sleeping on the couch with Fluffy light blue socks on her feet, and just not in as uptight clothing as she normally wore. But what really threw her off was the distressed face of the woman, there were no tears, but the pure look of horror and pain on the face was enough to create a crack in her heart.

She crouched down next to the brunette and put a tentative hand on the shoulder of the woman, knowing she does not like to be touched in any way.

"Regina. Regina wake up, you're having a nightmare." Emma said softly as worry pulsed through the blonde's body. Regina was always poised, poised and well rather emotionless unless you managed to get under her skin, then she would throw her full temper at you.

Brown eyes, that were glazed over, frantically looked around the room as Regina tried to get up. Suddenly out of breath and her heartbeat erratically she tried to convince herself that this was reality, the car accident was over. It was history for her now, nothing to really do about it.

Regina pulled her knees to her chest and calmed her breathing. They were gone. They were never coming back. Breaking down again was not something she could afford. She was the head of this firm, well together with Robin, but still she always was more in charge than he really was. This firm needed her focused and sharp, not as a crying mess. no.

She was fine.

Fine.

Was she fine?

Emma observed the brunette, how the look of pure fear and pain, melted away, or not really melted away. But a mask came in front of it. A mask of stone cold gaze was what covered up the swirling emotions in those brown orbs, brown orbs that were underlined with dark bags under the eyes of Regina, bags that even makeup could not cover up anymore. or how the woman was getting thinner and thinner by the day it seemed.

"Regina?" Emma tried again and now finally made eye contact with to woman who was now curled up into herself on the couch, she looked so small and fragile like that, it even looked like the brunette was still trembling slightly.

Regina closed up and just shook her head as she buried her face in her knees, hugging them closer against her body, a little breakdown, that was inevitable it seemed, for her body trembled and the tears were burning in her eyes, pleading to be spilled over her cheeks. She hated that anyone saw her like this. She would rather be viewed as a cold person. A heartless person, that was feared. Not this weak version of herself that couldn't even keep her own trembling body in check.

Emma took this as a sign to leave, to let the woman be alone in her grief, give her some space, but when she got up to leave she was stopped by a trembling hand on her arm and two watery brown eyes that had tears spilling out of them right now, brown orbs that were pleading her not to go, not to leave the brunette alone. So instead of going away she sat down next to the trembling body of the brunette and just sat there. Silent support. Not touching her, not even looking at the brunette, but just _being there_ for her.

And just that, that was one of the nicest gestures Regina could have received on a day like this.


	3. A Hard Week

_**Hello my lovely readers, this chapter is a bit heavier than the previous ones. Well a bit heavier in the case of how Regina is doing I suppose… I am sorry about it in advance but I am writing this because well, the same thing (apart from that accident, something else was what sent me in a downwards spiral) is happening to me, and since this Regina is kind of a representation of me in this story, I wanted to stay close to reality here.**_

 _ **Happy Reading**_

 _ **x R.**_

 **A Hard Week**

Regina was glad that Emma had not told anyone about that had transpired between them yesterday. The blonde had kept it a secret that they had spent three whole hours on the couch, saying nothing, not even looking at each other, but just… Emma being there for Regina, so that for the first time in months she didn't have to be alone anymore.

That she had someone to carry a it of the heavy weight that was grief. More like the monster that was grief in Regina's eyes, since it ate at you, made you feel guilt, made you feel like you should have been the one to die in their places.

Regina still had a cold from the shower of rain that had drenched her, and she hadn't been home since coming in the office yesterday, because she found that here there were less reminders. Less reminders of what she had lost. Less reminders of what could have been had she not stepped into that car with her family to drive to the office. Less reminders of how she had to come home the next day to an eerily empty, and silent house.

Toys still scattered over the floor, some of Daniel's manuscripts still on the tables in the living room and dining room, he never learned how not to be messy. There were even still glasses half filled with liquids from the day prior, Henry that had forgotten to finish his juice Regina always wanted him to have to get necessary vitamins, or the glass of wine her father had always loved to drink, even if it was only the afternoon, one glass of wine wouldn't hurt, he always said. and then her and Daniel's glasses filled with water they hadn't bothered to finish.

All there to plague her, taunt her with all that she had lost in the blink of an eye.

So no, she didn't enjoy going home, for she still, after four months, didn't have the heart to clean up the toys, or put away the manuscripts. Because well, then she would really have to give in to the fact that they were gone right? That they were gone and that they could never come back unless she died as well.

Unless she died as well…

She had thought about that a lot actually. In her moments of weakness she had contemplated it. For she had nothing to live for in her eyes. Not with her son, husband and father all wiped off of this planet. Not when all the people she loved just died in front her her eyes. So yes, she had thought about it.

How she would do it. Would she leave a note behind? Or Would she just have done it without saying goodbye to anyone, for who was there left to say goodbye to? Certainly not her mother who had said 'Good Riddance' When she heard about the death of Daniel.

Her mother had never liked the fact that she as successful lawyer married a writer that had only published a few books, so what that she made more money than the man she was married to? She was happy, god she was so happy with him. Him and their perfect little bundle of joy that had surprised them both when she found out that she was pregnant of little Henry.

Her mother hadn't even shown sadness about the death of her own husband, the only things that made the composure and poise of her mother falter for a moment was the death of her grandson. Even with the profound hate she had for Daniel, she loved Henry. Or well, loved him in her special way, since Regina still half doubted if her mother could actually love someone… and if she could, why her mother did not love her.

So she had no one to say goodbye to if she were to do it. Yes her firm would have missed her if she did it, but that didn't mean they would not be able to find a replacement for her, Locksley would probably even be able to handle this firm without her if her did his best, but then again he did have a family to go back to, he couldn't make a whole nighter here, not like she did usually.

That was probably her main reason for not given up on the cruel thing called life yet. Some people actually still needed her, or at least her to be their lawyer so that they could get out of the perils the people had gotten themselves into these days, may it be murder or big fraud cases, she would be able to be of use to someone.

Regina just sighed and shook her head as she focussed back onto the papers in front of her. This time Mary Margaret Kingsley and Leopold Kingsley needed her help, not that it was the first time they had been in need of her though, this family seemed to love to get in problems that had to be solved by her and the lawyer she would have to take it up against.

They loved to make something big out of something small, or sue their family for the money that was supposed to be theirs, god she had had at least eight of those lawsuits already, but this one was a bit more serious really, she had done murder cases before of course, sometimes defending the guilty party and sometimes the innocent one. She cared about justice of course, but defending the guilty was what happened a lot since she was good at her job, she had _never_ lost a case before.

And she damned well wasn't going to write history now by losing one. No, she would prove that Mr. Glass was guilty.

She looked down at the case file, and the evidence Emma had brought over yesterday, but then she was too rattled from the dream to look at them then, so she did it now. They actually had an almost airtight case on this one, if she talked to the jury in the right way, they would definitely believe her, as long as that damned Patrick Lisbon wasn't the one she would be up against, and Mary margaret could keep herself under control, she would win this thing.

A knock on her door had her furrowing her brows and getting up to see who was stupid enough to disturb her when she had made it very, very clear she did not wished to be disturbed unless it was something incredibly important that required her help for some reason. She got up from her desk and walked to her dark wooden doors and opened one of them.

When she saw no one her mood got even worse until she saw a little red envelope, lying at her feet, that were still very much encased in light blue fluffy socks.

She quickly snatched up the envelope and closed her door again, completely missed the blonde that was watching her pick up the red thing with a smile, and she missed how the blonde looked at her with a longing swirling deep inside those emerald orbs.

Regina walked back to her desk and sat down on her chair, happy she could sit down again, because the lack of food had started to make her feel faint whenever she moved, white spots appearing in her vision, her balance going haywire and making her sway on her feet. She knew that was a sign her blood pressure was incredibly low, and her stomach incredibly empty. maybe she should eat something, just an apple or something that would make functioning normally a little less changeling.

Regina grabbed one of the red apples that was in a basket on her desk and then looked over at the envelope in her hand again, contemplating if she should open it or not. Of course she wanted to know what was inside that envelope. She delicately opened it and saw another small little white note in it She got it out and felt a surge of happiness run through her.

 _'Do you ever feel already buried deep six feet under?_

 _Screams but no one seems to hear a thing_

 _Do you know that there's still a chance for you_

 _'Cause there's a spark in you?_

 _You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine.'_

 _This song made me think of you._

Regina read it at least four times. This time she had gotten a little piece of songtext plus a little thing the mysterious writer wrote him or herself.

That was the main thing that was puzzling Regina, if it as a man or a woman writing these little things to her. The sweet words sounded like a woman, for as sweet and sensitive as a man could be, this just felt like the soft touch of a woman.

It mainly just felt really nice that there was someone who cared for her and probably wanted to make her smile again, she had been terribly moody the lately. But it had its reasons and she would not change anything of that, her employees should just accept that and move on with their work.

This second note disappeared just like the first one, in a pocket of her clothes, that way it was close to her, and she had now stored the first one in the drawer of her nightstand, where this one was going to go as well when she got home of course.

The rest of the day went well, she ate another apple since her stomach was growling like crazy after the first one, and an apple didn't count as any calorie intake, so that would be too big of a problem. She was just glad when her clock stroke eight so that she could leave.

She walked home after she had changed her clothes into more business like ones and she was back in her uncomfortable heels again, god she loathed those heels, yes they may be Prada and look gorgeous on her, but they were obviously not meant for walking.

during the walk home, her hand kept fiddling with the little piece of paper in her pocket, that had her spirits lifted for a little bit. That had her pulled out of her downwards spiral for a moment. Not for long, but still, every second that she felt a little better was precious to her.

She got home and put down her bag, kicked off her heels and walked to the kitchen, taking four advil with one practiced swallow and then made her way to the living room for some rest for her unstable self.

She knew she didn't need those Advil, she hadn't needed the for a long time now, but after the accident and her minor injuries that had made her start on the painkillers, she couldn't stop taking them. Well, she could stop, but these painkillers numbed her, numbed her mind.

They made her mind stop screaming out in pain and made this home where the toys were still scattered around a bit more bearable really. It made seeing those manuscripts staring at her a little less torturous.

The pills did their work, making her numb, so completely numb. Her mind for the few blissful hours these would work a mess unable of thinking any coherent thoughts. So there would be no thoughts of something as painful as the accident, for these few hours of bliss.

She knew she probably shouldn't take them, the Advil, and that she should probably eat. But something was stopping her from really doing it. From really stopping her self destructive behaviour.

But that self destructive behaviour was all that she had left. All that she had left to do. So why stop it really? At least she wasn't adding to the scars that marred her hips. they were old, something Daniel had always paid attention to, kissed them, caressed them, showed her that she was worth more than doing that to herself again. But now she didn't have that anymore. Now there were just these angry white stripes there.

Angry white stripes that were begging for blood red companions.

She was able to hold herself in though. For now she was able to stop herself from doing it. To not reach for that sharp little blade. To not drag that blade across her skin and watch the red droplets well up. To not watch them well up and feel the pain, the physical pain coursing through her body, replacing the numbness with a distraction.

She had been able to stop herself from that, still. But it was tempting. God it was tempting.

Hours. Hours and hours went by where she just stared. Stared into nothingness. The only clue of the passing of times were the colours.

Blue turning into an ink black plain, ink black pierced and punctured by bright white stars that dared to show themselves. a soft pinkish red, mixing with the inky black as light blue started to chase the black away and the sun came up again, the red and pink colours first growing and growing, but after a while disappearing again as a pure blue now took over.

she got up when the sky turned red and pink, got dressed when she blue started to show, and left her house dressed ready for business when the pure blue was showing. It was just so incredibly strange to her, how the colours of the sky were the only thing that seemed mattered to her now. Of course that was silly, but it felt like those colours were the only thing that kept her in this reality

Yes that Kingsley case mattered. But not to her, not really. She wanted justice for an innocent girl, but it wasn't like she really giving all of herself into this case, like she had done before to other cases when she still had something to live for. When the life hadn't left her body, left her bones, making her feel weak. Making her feel like a shell, a cracked shell of what she had been.

She entered the office on autopilot, she didn't really know what had happened yesterday, but everything seemed dulled somehow, maybe because she took another four Advil this morning, maybe just because this empty feeling that had settled in her system four months ago, was finally given the freedom to roam her whole body now.

Yes the notes were something that were able to cheer her up slightly, but the urge to give in into the numbness was too alluring. Calling out to her asking her to give into it.

She did this for another week. acting on autopilot, not getting any red envelopes, giving in more and more into that numb void.

Taking more and more Advil to keep it going, to not feel that pain. Her stomach staying empty. Now only eating one meal a week.

If people at the office noticed, they didn't say anything. Probably to scared to approach her. Too scared for her famed temper that would then be released upon them, so they just didn't ask why there were darker and darker circles under their boss' eyes. They didn't ask why the already thin woman was showing more and more bones through her figure hugging dresses.

Robin Locksley returned from his holiday with his wife to find his partner of the firm in a much worse state than he had left her, and thus he went to Emma, for he had asked her to keep an eye on Regina. He knew that she was aware of what had happened, she wasn't an investigator for nothing of course.

"Emma, I'm worried about Regina, she looks even worse than when I went away on the two weeks holiday." Robin said worriedly when Emma entered his office and sat down in the chair opposite him. "It seemed at first she was fighting the depression that was looming over her, but it seems like she has given up."

"I noticed the same. She is losing more and more weight. I have seen her taking Advil like they were tic tacs." Emma said worriedly. It had worried her so much, the notes were not really on her mind for now. The well being of the woman she was slowly falling for was far more important.

"Really? I knew she was doing that just after the accident but that was because of the injuries, she should not, under any circumstances, still be doing that. It would destroy her insides." He said as worry was now almost permanently etched into his face for the brunette woman. She had been a friend for so long. They had grown up together, been best friends for as long as he could remember. So he knew about her troubled past with her mother, he knew about the harm she had done to herself. Had known how she eventually stopped when this boy Daniel came into her life. how the pain in her eyes turned to joy and happiness. How she had seemed to glow more, look so much happier when that blue eyed man was in her life.

He could still remember the big grin that adorned her face on her wedding, one that even her mother wasn't able to wipe off that day.

He could still remember how brightly she glowed when her little boy was growing inside of her. How Daniel came by at the office to check on his pregnant wife.

He could still remember the times she brought her adorable son to the office because she didn't have a babysitter, or just didn't want to leave him behind that day.

He could still remember the day four months ago when he got a phone call from a woman with a broken voice, a woman that sounded like life had beaten her down for the last time and won. A woman that sounded nothing like what she had been before. A woman that was now a shell of her former self, a shell that was starting to crack and give in to the weight of the world and everything around her. A WOman that ad lost the final battle against life.

"Yea, she is still taking those pills I'm afraid." Emma said shaking him out of his wandering thoughts. He furrowed his brow and suddenly felt a need to go check up on her right now.

"I think we should at least check up on her, I have this weird ominous feeling that something bad is about to happen to her." He said and Emma agreed.

So they hastily made their way to the top floor of the tall skyscraper they found themselves in and then knocked on the door when they saw the assistant was absent.

after a few minutes of no answer, Robin unlocked the door and gasped at the sight in front of him.

There she was.

On the floor, eyes closed and body against the floor without movement.

without movement of her chest.

No movement in the chest meant no breaths.

Regina Mills, unconscious on the floor, _not breathing._

 ** _A/N Please don't kill me._**


	4. It was an Accident

_**Hello again, I will probably be updating this weekly, on every sunday since that is a day I always seem to find time to write, and this story has captured me like no other, I cannot seem to stop writing it, so you guys are really lucky with that I suppose!**_

 _ **Again there are heavy things in this, but this is my way of dealing with certain things I suppose.**_

 _ **Happy reading**_

 _ **x R.**_

 **It was an Accident**

The next few minutes were hectic. Emma panicking while Robin called 9-1-1, and asked if an ambulance could come here as quickly as possible.

Emm knelt down next the the unconscious figure of Regina and just hoped it wasn't too late. That the time of this beautiful and precious woman hadn't come just yet, that the angel of death wasn't on her way to them just yet to collect the soul of the raven haired woman.

Hours later Emma and Robin were sitting together in the waiting room to hear news about their friend. Well friend… For Robin, Regina was his friend yes, But for Emma… Well for Emma it became a whole other story didn't it? The woman she had been falling for, for a long time now, lay in a medically induced coma in the hospital after they had pumped her stomach, and she had almost died. That was enough to mess any person up wasn't it?

They hadn't been allowed to see Regina yet and in the meanwhile were bombarded with questions about what had happened and why Regina had that big of an amount of medicine in her body. Also there were questions about the woman's weight. since they found out she was now a total amount of thirty pounds underweight. Which at some point didn't even shock Emma. She had never once seen the woman eat.

Never with food in her hands, only that damned apple basket on her desk in her office. But not that an apple would do much for the woman really. Robin was shocked, or at least acted as if he was by some answers Emma was giving, but kept his mouth shut, unless he could say something of importance. This wasn't the time to ask more questions than there were already been asked really.

She felt like she had been punched in the gut. That was the first thing that dawned on her. The second thing was how her mouth felt dry and tasted horrible. She didn't even dare open her eyes right now, knowing this was not her house or her office.

She had half the mind to let her hands search for that bottle of pills again. Of course that was impossible. She could smell the proof of what she was already suspecting.

The smell of sick people, of medicine. A smell that made her now very empty stomach churn. Which in turn made it hurt more. She vowed to herself she wouldn't ever end up in the hospital after the accident again. That was already ruined now.

She didn't really had a clue as to what had happened exactly. No clue what the exact reason was that she was here right now, other than feeling like total shit.

Her eyes now actually itched to be opened, so they could assess the situation and maybe even see if someone cared enough to visit her. Robin probably would just like all those years ago, they hadn't been friends forever for nothing she supposed. Would there be anyone else though, she wondered.

Probably not.

Her eyes opened and were blinded by the bright white lights these damned hospitals always insisted on having. She didn't get why the lights always needed to be so bright. Did they want to blind everyone in here or something? She groaned in pain, her stomach still aching profoundly, persistently asking for her undying attention as it showed her just how much pain it was able to radiate all through her body. She felt like her whole body was creaking as she tried to move it and her eyes kept slowly blinking, trying to adjust to the white.

When they were a bit more acclimated to the white of the light, the white of the walls, and the white of everything else around her it seemed, she started to look around.

Why did all the hospitals always have to look so horribly bleak, and cheap? That probably should not be her main thought aside from the persistent pain, but it was. She actually cringed when she got a sight of the ugly bleached yellow curtains that were really, the ugliest thing she had ever laid her eyes upon. Or how the plastic of the bed was that filthy just off white colour, showing that it once was a brilliant white colour, in it's golden days. But now it was just a filthy old hospital bed, too many people had already occupied to be clean and pristine. It's good days far behind it.

Then the itchiness of her hospital gown decided to show its face, making her immediately miss her silk pyjamas, or her cashmere jumper. Her soft black slacks, even her fluffy socks. The covers of the old bed, just as scratchy, if not worse than the flimsy gown that covered her. God she wished she had her own bed right now, but apparently something so bad had happened that she needed to be hospitalized. Deep down, she knew what was the reason why she was here, but she just... did not want to face that just yet.

"You're awake." A voice rang and that made Regina look up to where the voice came from, stopping her little berating session of the hospital for now.

When Regina found the origin of the voice she was rather surprised to see it was the investigator Emma. She furrowed her brow as the blonde set a few tentative steps closer to her. Regina cleared her throat so she could reply, the scratch in her voice sending little pain prickles through her.

"Why am I here?" She asked the woman that just a week ago had sat by her side, silent but supportive. And now that supportive woman was here, why she had no clue, but it felt rather nice to have her here she supposed. If Robin was here he would certainly give her some accusing or pitying looks and then would start asking far too many questions. well, not too many, but questions she didn't want to face just yet. Questions she didn't want to anser just yet she supposed.

instead of an answer to her question she was met with another question as the blonde crossed her arms, and even looked a little angry at the raven haired woman. "Why did you take so many pills and liquor at the same time?" Was asked, and the question rang through the air. piercing the silence that was now impending on the both of them. A Question, no, _the_ question Regina was fearing.

She didn't really want to answer that she supposed. Not wanting to say it out loud instead of just letting the poisonous thoughts fester in her mind. Not wanting to let it ring through the air, letting it echo through this filthy white room that she was locked up in. Because if she would admit it out loud, it would make it a serious issue. A real thing. For now it was only locked away in her mind and yet to be spilled out into the open for the blonde to hear.

Since after five minutes of a thick heavy silence there was no answer to the question, it rang through the air again, just not in the blonde's voice this time, but in the heavier accented voice of her oldest friend.

Regina her eyes shot up to meet those piercing blue eyes and swallowed heavily at the look he was giving her. It brought her back to a memory of years and years ago, where something like this had occurred as well, a bit differently, but it came down to the same thing really.

" _Please Regina, don't do it, please, please don't." The words rang through the teenager's mind as she played with the pills in her one hand. A bottle of cheap bourbon in the other hand. She just wanted to numb the pain of the wounds that had been inflicted upon her. the sound of the belt hitting her skin over and over, still resounding in her head. the pain radiating from her back to the rest of her body._

 _Her PE teacher had seen the bruisings. students had seen them multiple times now and warned the teacher. they contacted social services, and that was how a trial against her parents was started. The news hounding on the fact that a great big shark like her mother and the head of the biggest law firm, was now been trialed for the abuse of her only daughter._

 _Cameras had followed her everywhere she went, journalists screaming questions. asking if it hurt. Asking her, how her mother could have been so much of a monster as to abuse her daughter like that, asking her, how her father could have been such a coward that he didn't defend her. Asking her so many questions she didn't even hear them anymore. Her parents now being kept away from her she had to stay at the house of her friend Robin, his parents not having a problem with it, or the media that followed._

 _Robin had noticed her behaviour had changed since they found out. since the trail started, the questions started and since the whole mess just blew out of proportion. How Regina had been taking more and more Advil. For the pain of the bruises, she had told him. For the scars and burns, she had told him._

 _It wasn't the truth, he knew that but he let her have that little sliver of freedom, he had just pleaded she would not take too many. That she wouldn't take too many and end it all._

 _He hadn't seen that she sneaked a whole bottle of the cheap bourbon to her guestroom. or how she had snatched a whole bottle of Advil with her. He just thought she wanted a retreat after another full day._

 _The red-ish pills now in her hand. her fingers slightly twitching with nerves as she looked at the abundance of them. Could she do it though? swallow them all? No. That was something she couldn't do to her father or Robin. neither to the parents of Robin that were kind enough to grant her to stay her. killing herself in that house was not something she could do._

 _But numbing the pain. That was something she could do. taking just enough to numb the physical and mental ails. A little liquor to haze everything, take the edge off and make it go more smooth for her. Take away the torment for just a little while. It was something she_ was _capable of._

 _first she took just two Advil and washed them away with a few burning swallows of bourbon. The alcohol burning its way down her throat to her stomach. She found she rather liked that feeling. the burning feeling of the alcohol. Now she took one more Advil and washed it away with another few big gulps of the liquor._

 _Her head started to feel light. her brain hazed over. She felt a little queasy as well, but not too bad. She probably wasn't able to normally stand up and function, but she didn't need that now, she just needed the numb feeling that was pumping through her veins at the moment, for the moment she let the pills and the liquor alone, revelling in the numb bliss she found herself in, but the bliss was something that was short lived, when that sharp edge of reality returned._

 _When it came back to full force, she only did what was logical to her, taking just a few more of those blissed Advils and taking a few swigs of the bottle of alcohol that was reaching half point quicker and quicker. It continued for a little while like that, until only a quarter of the booze was left and too many Advil had been consumed._

 _Robin had been worried, his parents away on a trip, so he had the responsibility of caring for his friend. She had been gone for a little too long right about now, and he went to check on her. Only to find her passed out on the floor, the quarter of liquor spilled on the floor as shards of the bottle rested in the floor, wet from the liquor and small droplets of blood where they had cut the brunette. the pills spilled on the floor as well the bottle just inches away from the unconscious girl's hand._

" _REGINA!" He had shouted and cradled the fragile girl against him. His best friend was in his arms as he called the ambulance, panic coursing through his veins._

 _Sirens filling the street. Chaos. the ambulance personnel quickly taking her away to the hospital with him in the back, not releasing the girl's hand, even if it was ice cold. He didn't want to let go, afraid she would go away that way, that she would really leave this world if he did that._

 _She woke the next day, her stomach had been pumped. She had almost died, if Robin had been a little later, she probably would have._

 _When the teenager opened her eyes she was met with two piercing blue ones. Eyes that were filled with worry for her, with concern for her health, physical and mental. A question pierced the air then. A question she didn't want to answer. even when it was whispered to her, it seemed like he had shouted it._

" _Why did you take so many pills mixed with the alcohol?" He whispered. afraid that if he asked it any louder the news reporters that stood outside the hospital might hear the reason she was in the hospital. That the news scoop or her life right now might even become bigger if they found out what Regina had done to herself as a consequence of this._

" _It hurt too much." Regina croaked back as answer, the teenager her eyes swimming with tears that were pleading to be spilled._

"It hurt too much" She whispered to the adult Robin that looked at her, it was so much like the past, which made it even worse. Just like then, the tears were brimming in the deep brown eyes of the brunette.

And just like then his response was something that felt like a knife to the gut.

"Oh Regina," He sighed and walked to her side. his response was filled with so much care, so much pity, so much… it hurt to see that, to hear that.

Regina didn't even pay attention to the blonde woman anymore, almost forgetting she was there in the room with them as she felt Robin's calloused hand wipe away a tear that rolled down her cheek, just like his teenager self had done with her when the tears rolled down her cheek.

Regina never had really liked the fact of crying, how it would make you incoherent of any normally audible speech, your eyes leaking water that ruined your whole appearance, the snottering and sniffling and most of all the sobs that came with it, sobs that would rack your body and make you unable to stand on your own two feet most of the time, sending you either do the floor as your legs gave up on you, or force you to seek a safe place to sit down and let the sobs take over your body.

Regina hated it. It made you look weak and made you incompetent of doing anything productive.

And yet here she was herself, crying. first she had mentally reprimanded the Mary Margaret for turning into a crying mess, and here she was.

She did do it more toned down, silent sobs, silent tears, silent. She wanted to cry in silence. To beak down in silence. She didn't like the wailing, or the sobs that would echo through the whole building.

Robin held her hand like her did the first time for the first few minutes, before he saw those eyes look at him pleadingly, pleading to leave her be for now. To not let anyone see her being weak. It was something she still believed, showing emotions made you weak.

He nodded though, he nodded and took the other blonde with him out of the room, giving Regina the space she needed as what she had almost done to herself dawned on her, as she let it truly sink in, letting the reality hit her hard, just like it had done in the past.

When they were outside of the room they sat down on the hard plastic chairs, that made him wonder why they weren't able to make there things a bit more comfortable, Emma looked at him as if she wanted to ask a million questions at once.

After five minutes the air was filled with the first heavy question. "This has happened before, hasn't it? You acted like you knew what to do, less panicked than you should have been if this was the first time something like that had happened to her." Emma said and looked at him.

"She was fifteen." Even though the answer was a short one, spoken rather simply, as a matter-of-factly. It felt like it was far too much to handle. like the answer was one so complicated, there was no solution to it, no mastermind that would be able to solve it.

"Fifteen." Emma echoed exasperated and brushed a hand through her hair as lights started burning in her head and connections were made.

"Some old news reports had said she had been in the hospital for one week during the trial of her parents' abuse of her. She should have been around fifteen there, shouldn't she?" Emma asked and was met with a nod of Robin.

"What did she mean with it hurt too much?" Emma then asked. the questions were burning her insides it felt. She had no idea the brunette had troubles this deep, this painful, and this self destructing.

"What she meant with that, is that she hadn't wanted to do it on purpose. That this wasn't an attempt to kill herself. That this was to numb the pain. Her way of dealing with things. That this was an accident."


	5. Being On Watch

_**Hello again my lovely lovely readers!**_

 _ **I Deeply apologize for being this late with my update, but Live got in the way of writing, it still is geting in the way really, but oh well. I will be trying to update this weeky, I promise!**_

 _ **Enjoy this chapter and I will warn you, SQ fluff will be coming in abundance in the next chater, this is more of a set up for the coming on that will be filled with just sweet moments, probably a few fights here and there, but mostly sweet and cute moments.**_

 _ **Have fun reading this chapter as always**_

 _ **x R.**_

 **Being on Watch**

"What do you mean it was an accident? She drank almost a whole bottle of strong apple cider and took far too damned many pills!" Emma said, and felt herself getting a little angry at the brunette at what she had almost done.

"This is her way of coping with things Emma, she doesn't talk. She doesn't show emotions in fear that she will crack and be viewed as weak-"

"She damned well can show emotions, that temper of her is hell." Emma interrupted.

"Why do you think the only emotion she uses is anger?" Robin asked with a raised eyebrow.

"To scare people off." Emma answered and it clicked. The only emotion Regina always managed to show was anger. No happiness, no sadness. Her temper was famed, well infamous more like it, and she was feared. Emma now finally got why that was exactly.

Her throat burned incredibly badly. the pipe they used to pump her stomach had done its damage to her throat well enough. It burned like hell, and she was happy she didn't have to talk to anyone right now. She wasn't sure her throat would be able to really take it. Her stomach felt queasy and just plain bad. The places where the IVs were hooked into her skin itched, and she wanted to rip them out, almost did so as well but then her room was being intruded with two people again.

"How are you feeling Regina?" Robin asked her tentatively and she saw Emma standing behind him with a soft smile on her lips that was surely meant to be a reassuring one, but that wasn't much of a success, since Regina still felt just a bad and now guilt was showing its face as well.

Harbouring in her, feeding on the little specks of guilt and doubt it can already find and grow until it consumes most of her thinking processes. Until looking at Robin or Emma becomes too much to bear. It is strange sometimes, how guilt can ruin someone in just a few minutes.

Robin his brow furrowed when no answer came from the brunette and he sighed. Emma then took it upon her to cheer the sickly looking woman up, by slipping a red envelope in cold and slightly limp olive toned hands. She had written that one a last night perhaps, maybe earlier, but she hadn't given it yet, and this time was as well as any to give it to her.

Brown eyes met with green ones, as the hands closed over the envelope, holding it tightly like it was some sort of lifeline, which for Regina, it probably was. It was something that stopped the dark from eating her up. It stopped the self loathing and self hatred for just a minuted, as her heart stuttered at the thought of what could be on the white note inside. What the black ink on the paper would tell her was something she wanted to know now.

Slightly trembling fingers opened the envelope and a smile, as small as it was, made its way onto Regina's face as she read it. Watery eyes looked up and were greeted with a sheepish smile from the blonde woman, that couldn't help but feel at least a little proud of being able to make Regina smile like that, even in the situation they were currently in.

 _You are admired, you are loved._

 _Maybe not always by the people whom you most expect it from,_

 _But you are cared for._

 _Just open your eyes to see them._

Regina her eyes skimmed over the four lines of written words over and over, not getting enough of the words that were written down on there. Her bottom lip disappearing between her teeth as her eyes read it over and over again. The words felt like a caress to her wounded heart. Like a comforting blanket wrapped around her parts of her heart that felt frozen. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the words anymore it seemed, until she felt a hand on her leg.

Emma carefully put her hand on Regina her cover clad leg and squeezed softly, just wanting to show she was there for her.

"I'm really sorry Regina, I have to get going now, but Emma here will stay with you until I can visit you okay?" Robin said, because yes he had to go, but also because he saw something there between the two ladies, and wanted them to have their privacy and normally be able to talk it over. He wouldn't want to ruin something between them now. Especially not after how the note that Emma gave Regina, made the brunette finally smile again.

Regina didn't even hear him and the blonde woman only gave a nod, as the two women looked at each other for a moment just speechless, as Robin walked out of the room.

"It was you?" She asked with a crack in her voice, the three words spoken softly and sounding hoarse.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you deserved somebody caring for you."

"But why you?"

The words flew quickly between them all of a sudden as the air felt thick, loaded. Like even the ar around them knew this conversation was one of great importance, of great consequence. It felt so thick that oxygen was something that was left to be desired.

Both women felt out of breath as the silence between them lingered after Regina her question. Why Emma? Why would someone like Emma care for someone like Regina? For the blonde it wasn't maybe as much of a mystery as it was to the brunette that was looking at Emma like she had the most important answer in the universe, or something close to that.

"Because I care."

"That isn't a valid answer." Regina softly protested.

"Because… Well I mean look at you. You are this stunning, gorgeous young woman that has been through something nobody should ever have to got through, and you're still standing. You're still here, but you were alone. Not a soul should have to be alone after that, so I decided to be the person for you that would stop the loneliness from settling in with you. That you knew that someone cared for you, very deeply so."

Regina didn't know what she could say to an answer like this. What should one say when hearing an admission like this? What should one answer? 'Yes well thank you very much' or maybe 'Well now that I hear that I care for you more than anything' Maybe even 'Hearing that makes me love you'? No? Yes?

"I know hearing something like that isn't a simple everyday thing that is easy to listen to, but… Uhm… yea, I care for you and I don't want you to have to go through this alone." Saying That she was slowly falling for the beautiful brunette isn't probably something she should admit now. "You don't have to say anything okay, I don't expect you to reciprocate these feelings for me or anything like that, just uhm, know I care for you yea?" Emma said a bit uncomfortably and fiddled with the hem of her shirt as she looked at her hands, avoiding the stinging gaze of Regina, that she could feel was burning her skin a little. Making her skin crawl with nerves.

Emma had been rejected and let down more than once and felt that fear bubble up again. What if Regina would let out a bark of laughter and declare her insane for feeling that way? What if Regina was as straight as a nail and felt disgusted by this?

"Thank you."

The words where a mere whisper, but they cut through the silence like a knife, and made Emma look up, hopeful green eyes meeting deep brown ones. The brown eyes, had this warm honey colour now and it made Emma her heart melt at seeing them. It was something that made it beat faster as well, faster with hope for something that could develop between them.

Then a cold soft hand rested upon one of her rather clammy ones and it made her heart stop. Physical contact was something that still amazed her sometimes. How a little contact could do such strange things to her or to other people. How the skin to skin contact made it feel like it was on fire. It shouldn't be anything special really, just a simple touch. It wasn't like their fingers were laced together, or that Regina had said anything about feeling the same for Emma, and yet it was one of the most special touches Emma had ever felt.

A throat cleared behind them and the cold hand was retracted again, Regina feeling too exposed with doing something like that while anyone else could see, it could make her look weak. That wasn't something that should ever happen.

"Ms. Mills, your liver and kidneys, surprisingly, haven't been permanently damaged. For the coming few weeks you should be very careful, and not drink any alcohol plus only take the medicine we prescribe to you, and it should be alright. If you do that, you will be feeling all well in just a few weeks, maximum two months. You will be able to go home today." The kind nurse said and turned to walk away again, but just before leaving the room she stopped and turned once more. "Oh, if I might be so bold, I would advise that she be watched." The woman said to Emma before walking away

The comment made Emma furrow her brow a little, even though she was thinking the same thing, it was rather harsh to say with Regina to hear like this. But after all, Regina was a big girl, and she knew herself that this was an idiotic thing to do. The sad thing was that Emma was seriously doubting the fact that Regina wouldn't try something like this when another heavy tidal wave of grief hit her.

Regina on the other hand, really didn't look at all amused. She looked on the verge of releasing that hell temper of hers, her hands balled in fists, clenched so hard her knuckles were white and her hands trembled. "I am not going to be watched like some little child that broke the rules. I am a grown woman and can care for myself." She hissed, not looking at Emma, but at the way where the nurse had disappeared.

"Yea you really showed that care for yourself just now today didn't you?" Emma ground out with frustration. Frustrated, suddenly, that Regina couldn't see how self destructive she has been already and probably will be if she doesn't get watched.

"Excuse me? What the hell do you mean with that?" Regina said and directed her furious eyes at Emma, who immediately lost some of her original bravado at saying that.

Emma cleared her throat and tried to level Regina with a glare of her own. "I said, that you really showed that you couldn't damned well care for yourself. You almost fucking killed yourself Regina. That doesn't show me care for oneself." Emma said and genuinely had no idea how in hell she even got those words out. They contrasted so with her words on the little notes she had sent Regina, and with the words the had wanted to say. But when one is so damned scared of losing someone they have fallen for, and haven't declared their feelings for said person, your mouth tends to get the best of you.

Regina was taken aback by those words. Nobody dared to speak up to her like that. Always just scoured away when they saw her glare and agreed to anything Regina wanted. They did not talk to her like that and teach her the lesson. Even if that lesson was much deserved and very true. Not even Robin did such a thing and he had been her best friend for years and years.

Not hours after that Regina was ready to go home. She wanted to go to her office first, but after a discussion that lasted a whole hour Emma and eventually Robin managed to convince her that she should go home and work from there if it was really necessary. She agreed only because if she didn't the people in the office would probably see her as weak, the way she looked right now. Because even she knew and realized how pale and sickly she really looked right about now, large dark circles under her eyes and everything.

After another long debate on who would go with her, because Robin wouldn't allow her to go home alone, Emma and Robin decided that the blonde woman would be accompanying the brunette to her home and staying there in a guest room because well, Robin had his own family to care for and Emma didn't mind one little bit to be closer and closer to the brunette that made her heart skip a beat before speeding up like crazy.

Surprisingly Regina didn't protest to Emma being the one coming with her, after making sure it wouldn't be too much trouble for the blonde. Even if Regina tried to look like she didn't care for someone else, she still was a big softie on the inside when it came to Emma on that matter it seemed, which only made Emma her smile grow into a goofy grin that couldn't be wiped off of her face.

They brought Regina home and then Robin and Emma both helped Regina upstairs into her bed, Regina wasn't ready to admit it, but she was mentally and physically exhausted and thus incredibly happy that she was allowed this moment of rest without any of the monitors beeping or any of the annoying nurses around. As soon as her head hit the pillow her eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep.

"Are you sure you don't have a problem with watching her for a few weeks. I mean she can get rather grumpy and snarky at times as you well know."

"Yea I know, but uh, I really care for her ya know, and I want to make sure she doesn't do something stupid or dangerous again, and she needs to know that people care for her, I don't think she has had that these past months." Emma said honestly and was met with a knowing smile from Robin.

"You like her don't you?" He asked and Emma looked t him with wide eyes.

"Uhm…" She said and scratched the back of her neck sheepishly as she looked at him.

"Just so you know, she is bisexual. I don't think she would like me saying this, but she has had a relationship with a girl once, it was brief yes, but it isn't impossible for you to win her over. I think the girl was named Mallory. She was blonde like you, dared to speak her mind like you, I think you will have a fair chance." Robin said with a smirk. He knew Regina was of course still devastated by what had happened to her late husband, but someone that would love the brunette and care for her, was probably just what the woman needed. Someone that would look out for her, care for her, and show her the world isn't such a dark place as she thinks it is.

"Wait, what? Regina Mills the big scary boss that everyone thinks is hella straight, is bi? What?" Emma asked shell shocked and suddenly understood why Regina almost took her hand in that olive toned one. Why the looks Regina gave set Emma on fire. Why Emma felt so drawn to Regina. It wasn't just a one-sided attraction, Regina was also able to like her back.

"Yea she is bisexual alright, although I wouldn't tell her you know if I were you, She will tell you when she is ready to share something like that with you okay?" Robin asked with a small smile now and patted Emma on the shoulder. "Be careful with her yea? If you manage to hurt her in any way, do know I will be coming after you, I am sort of her big brother after all, and I will protect her." He said only half jokingly before he went on his way back home to his own family, leaving Emma slightly stunned in the foyer.

This would probably turn into something very interesting, since Emma would spent here at least a month. She first put her own stuff into one of the guestrooms that was closest to Regina her bedroom, so that if there was something Regina needed help with she was close by to be of help for the brunette woman.

When she had put her things away she went downstairs and started to clean up. It pained even her when she saw child's toys scattered around the house, knowing they belonged to Regina her son, Regina her son who was now resting six feet beneath to surface, covered by layers and layers of dirt, buried together with the man that Regina her heart loved. Emma took it upon herself to clean all the toys away into a box and put that away into a closet that still had enough space left, before she went and got all of the manuscripts and other things belonging to Regina her late husband and cleaning that up too. It would be healthier for Regina not to be constantly reminded by all the things around her of the major losses she had suffered.

When that was done Emma scoured for things that would be able to resemble something of hot chocolate with cinnamon, but when that failed she just went and made tea for herself, and even going as far and making a second cup for the sleeping brunette.

It felt weird to walk around someone else's house like this. Especially such a huge house like this one. It felt so empty and she didn't get how Regina could even live her on her own like this, but after that initial thought she realised that Regina didn't exactly manage to really live here on her own, because she actually had tried to kill herself, even if she said it was accident.

Emma completely missed she soft footsteps that were descending the stairs, because she was singing along to the radio rather badly. She was also completely oblivious to the two amused brown eyes that looked at her as she did a rather silly but hilarious dance routine to the song Wrecking Ball.

It amused Regina to see how Emma had already made herself at home here, singing along to the song with all he might, even if it was off key and rather horrible, it was nice to see someone enjoying herself like that, the dancing making her stomach flutter when her brown eyes scanned the body that was beautiful and just flawless.

Emma only noticed Regina when the brunette softly laughed. The blonde froze and turned to face the slightly more rested looking woman that owned the massive house. "Look who decided to wake up after all. I made some tea like ten minutes ago, it should probably be warm enough for you to drink of you want it." Emma said with a big grin and handed Regina the still warm mug of apple flavoured tea.

"Thank you Emma, I really appreciate all of this,"

"Well it's only tea."

"No I mean the staying here with me as well, I really was rather lonely.

"Eh, no problem Regina, I do it with pleasure."

"Thank you."


	6. Something Blossoms?

**Hey guys, so after a MASSIVE writers block, I finally managed to write this chapter. I dont knw why but this hellish thing of a chapter just wouldn't work with me, and I apologize for the huge delays in posting it caused... Anyways, I'm hoping this will be good enough fo my lovely readers, and I hope that my next chapter wont cause this much havoc in my shedule.**

 **Thanks,**

 **Happy reading**

 **x R.**

 **Something Blossoms?**

Regina had been struggling with it all. It had been three hours since she woke up from her nap and had some calming tea with Emma, and Regina was already struggling with it. She didn't want to be, or rather didn't like to be, dependant on someone, how kind they might be. But then there was Emma, a person that for the first time in ever dared to defy her. The blonde, in these three hours, had already managed to defy her twice. Twice she had had to defend herself against one of the blonde's inquiries. The first one went a little like this

 _Emma sighed as she looked at Regina, the brunette was reading one of her books, with a pair of glasses sliding down the slope of her nose that she kept adjusting over and over. Emma wondered why Regina would even keep a pair of glasses that are too big for her, but decided not to question that one for now._

 _"Regina why did you do it?" Emma asked softly when she couldn't silence that question any longer. "Why did you take all the pills and alcohol?" She elaborated as she looked at the brunette, who looked up rather shell shocked that Emma dared to ask such a question._

 _"I don't have to explain myself to you." She snapped before she brought her attention back to her favourite Jane Austen book, Persuasion. The book calmed her, it soothed her whenever she was upset and needed one of the good memories from her childhood. She could still hear her father's calm voice read the book to her when she was little. She might not have understood the book very well at that age, but it still was her favourite, even then. Her father and her knew the book inside out after a few years of almost continuously reading it. It made her feel warm inside thinking about it. Like a warming blanket wrapped around her._

 _"That's not an explanation." Was what broke Regina out if her reveries of the past. She looked up at Emma and tried to come up with an explanation that would sound good enough and still won't be the complete truth, because that would just be too much to face right now._

" _I'm a grown woman that can make her own decisions, I don't need you breathing down my neck. I made the decision to take what I took." Regina snapped more than an actual normal and calm response. The blonde was already grating on her nerves. Yes, she was thankful for the fact that Emma was here and helping her, but asking questions is something she hated. Well, she asked the questions, not the other way around. As a lawyer you had to be able to ask, not to answer. Okay, sometimes you did have to answer questions, but those were ones one was prepared for and had a calculated answer at the ready for._

 _Those weren't questions that scraped open wounds that she was trying to get healed as quickly as possible. Those weren't questions that ripped the bandages off of the wounds that were still very much open wide and bleeding._

" _Regina," Emma began but sighed and gave up this time. She could see she was already riling up the brunette and that shouldn't happen while Regina needed rest. So for now, she gave up. Though not for too long. She would ask again soon. Inquire about it in the hope that maybe this time Regina would spill._

That was only the first time the Blonde had definitely crossed a line Regina didn't want crossing. It was a line that, when crossed, stepped into a sensitive subject the brunette herself wasn't even sure about. It was a subject she perhaps wasn't ready to discuss. Not when she couldn't be be certain why she had done it. Why she took the alcohol. Why She took the abundance of pills. Why she actually felt glad when life started slipping out of her hold. Her grasp on life loosening as her breaths became shallow…

But now she was brought back and had to endure Emma. She had to endure the curious blonde that didn't know how to keep that damned sharp mouth shut. The second time Emma asked her questions they were about a whole other painful subject Regina wasn't willing to talk about, and yet, Emma had asked.

" _Why were there still toys scattered over the floor?" Was asked so softly Regina wasn't sure it had been her imagination that asked the question that had haunted her for the last few months, or that is was really Emma's voice that had asked her. But when she looked up she saw that the blonde was intently looking at her, awaiting an answer._

" _What?" Regina asked Emma in hope that she had misheard the question. In hope that the blonde woman on the couch opposite her had not asked what she had just thought was asked. Though, she knew it was what Emma had asked. The question hang heavily in the air between them and Regina could almost feel herself suffocating just because of it._

" _The toys, why not clean them up?" Emma asked again maybe slightly oblivious as to how painful this question was exactly. The blonde herself never had a child. Never knew how damned much it hurt if you outlived your child. Never knew how much it hurt when you survived the accident and your child, your little baby boy, died._

" _I don't wish to discuss those matters with anyone Miss Swan." Regina answered coldly and locked up her pained emotions. It was a weakness she wasn't willing to show. She wasn't willing to expose herself to Emma. Yes she had been writing the notes in the red envelopes, so what? And yes Emma had admitted she liked Regina, but that wouldn't change anything. No. It wouldn't. It definitely wouldn't. Emma would not tear her defenses down that easily._

 _And Emma actually let that one go._

Now that they're a couple of hours ahead Regina ponders over the question asked again and finds herself answering it.

"The toys were scattered over the floor because I couldn't face cleaning them up just yet."

"What?"

"The toys."

"Oh." Emma frowned slightly at how the brunette answered to her question. Firstly that it took her a precise amount of, four hours and twenty two minutes to answer, and secondly it sounded like the woman rather not talk about any of that.

"Care to elaborate on that?" Emma asked and sighed softly as she saw Regina lost on memory lane or something close to that, since brown orbs were glazed over.

"In my mind it worked like this, If the toys weren't cleaned up, maybe it was only a dream, a terrible one at that, but just a dream. That it was all created by my mind instead of that it really happened to me. Just a figment of my imagination. That my son could actually some back to me." Regina whispered as she stared at something invisible in the distance. "That one day my baby boy would come bounding into the house again and barrel into my legs as he tried to run, but really just looked like a weird wobbling adorable bubble of energy." Regina wistfully whispered.

"Oh Regina, I'm sorry. I didn't know." Emma whispered. She knew about the accident yes, but not about these thoughts. "I-I shouldn't have cleaned them all up for you. not without your permission…" Emma trailed off and felt rather bad for just invading into her home and doing all kinds of things she had no business in doing really...

"No Emma it's okay really. I, I should face the truth."

"But-"

"It's fine"

Regina sighed and hoped Emma finally got she didn't want to talk any longer, as she focused back on her book, adjusting her reading glasses as she did.

The next few days went like that, during day time Regina would be closed off, hostile even, only for that to change in the evenings. In the evenings Regina would mull over some of the questions Emma had asked her previously and sometimes she would cryptically answer them, while other times she would answer them without much fuss only to return to her reading afterwards.

The main other thing that had Emma worried though, was how little the brunette was consuming. It seemed like the woman would only eat in the evenings, and even then it was as little as possible, but since she was already pushing the woman to her limits in some ways, she decided to let that be for now at least.

Regina seemed to be doing surprisingly well for someone that less than a week ago had tried to kill herself really, but that was only what Emma thought… she had no clue yet about how Regina didn't sleep, or well hardly slept when the nightmares came to haunt her every time she dared to close her eyes and go to sleep. The guest room was just far enough removed from the master bedroom that Emma couldn't hear the whimpers, the sobs, the cries. It was just far enough removed from the master bedroom that Emma would be oblivious to Regina suffering.

But then on the sixth night that Emma stayed over, the blonde woke with the intention of going to the toilet because well, her bladder decided that the middle of the freaking night would be a good time to wake her from her slumber. Only half awake she struts to toilets and when she has relieved herself she walks back to her room, still only half awake, until suddenly her eyes open wide and the hairs on her neck stand up straight.

A Heart breaking wail of her son's name leaves her lips as she sees him in her nightmare being dragged away from the wreckage that is her- was her car. Her dead husband lying there, lifeless, blood everywhere. Her body trembled, no not trembled it was softly being shaken?

Regina her eyes fluttered open to meet concerned emerald green ones and her heart almost stops at the initial scare of having someone suddenly be in her bedroom.

"Regina, you okay?" Emma asked and wants to face palm herself for asking such a damned idiotic question when Regina looks anything but okay. Tears are even brimming in those brown orbs again and the blonde her heart clenches painfully for the woman in front of her.

"I came to wake you when I saw you were having a nightmare, I'm sorry of I trespassed into your bedroom or something, but I- Ah never mind, anyways, uhm, you want me to go now right?" Emma started to mumble, and stumbled a little over her own words.

Just like the first time Emma had woken Regina from a nightmare a trembling hand and two pleading, tear brimmed, brown eyes looked pleadingly at Emma to stay, and so the blonde did. She gave Regina a soft reassuring nod before she awkwardly sat down at the foot end of the bed, as not to invade Regina's personal space too much.

Regina sighed a breath of relief when Emma didn't leave her. It was strange, she hated it when people would see her weak like this, but in Emma she found something akin to care for her, something that stirred something inside of her and made her accept Emma to see her this weak.

They didn't say a word to one another. Regina just went to lie back down in her bed while she felt Emma sit right next to her feet. Emma only made a move to shift when she saw that Regina had fallen back into a slumber again and Emma softly caressed Regina's calf through the covers. "I won't leave you Regina." Emma whispered and gave the sleeping brunette a soft smile before getting downstairs and stating on making some breakfast, determined on getting Regina to eat at least some of it this time.

When the sun shines on her eyelids, her eyes flutter open and in the first time in a long while she finally feels rested again. She finally doesn't feel like getting out of bed will start her torment that day, somehow she actually feels good for once. Well, not good per se but better than the last few days.

When Regina smells the odour of french toast waft up to her bedroom, her stomach growls. It growls? The brunette is rather surprised with that turn of events as she covers up a yawn with her hand, before brushing her other hand through her sleep mussed hair.

She softly pads downstairs, her feet encased in black fluffy socks that keep her normally icy toes snug and warm.

"So she finally wakes." Emma says with a soft smile as she sees a sleep mussed, and ever so beautiful Regina walk into the kitchen. She had to turn her attention back to the stove however, as she went and flipped a piece of french toast so the other side would turn out just as golden brown as the other had done.

"Well with the whole house smelling like cinnamon heaven I couldn't very well stay in my bed." Regina said and Emma was genuinely surprised at the good mood Regina seemed to be in today, now she just had to keep her fingers crossed that this mood wouldn't go away. Moods were a fleeting thing with Regina, she had come to discover over the few days that she had already been here with the brunette. It was strange in a way, that with the little talking that they did, she still had come to learn a lot about the woman in front of her.

For example that a cup of black coffee would always be greatly appreciated and most of the time brighten a damp mood of Regina being dead tired.

"Oh, there's a cup of coffee for you on the counter there." Emma said and pointed to the steaming mug that stood on the black granite countertop of the kitchen.

"Thank you." Regina said slightly surprised that Emma had all of that ready already, but she wouldn't argue about it when her whole body yearning for the dark, hot liquid. She loved the bitter taste of it, and how the aftertaste would linger on her tongue for a while after.

Breakfast, surprisingly, went swimmingly, and Emma managed to get Regina to eat three quarters of a slice of french toast, and she took that as a victory.

It was actually rather nice for both women involved, this little deal of having Emma sleep here and be here to take care of her, but more importantly, make Regina feel less alone, and make Emma feel needed.

The day went by silently. Regina reading one of her many books while Emma did whatever came to her mind at the time. She didn't get how Regina could focus that long on just reading, nothing but reading, though she had to admit, seeing Regina with those big black rimmed reading glasses made her feel all kinds of warm and fuzzy on the inside. Though of course she wouldn't admit that.

"You're staring, you know it is considered rude to just stare indignantly at someone." A slightly bored tone informed her and she saw two deep brown eyes looking at her. A slight blush heated up her cheeks but she shook it off soon enough, puffing her chest out a bit to look less affected by it.

"Well yea, it's really rather boring here and you have been reading that book for five hours straight without once stopping. How do you even do that?" Emma asked.

"Well dear, it's called discipline, and concentrating on something. You should try it, may find that it will help you, oh I don't know, do your job? Help being an adult?" Regina jabbed at Emma, provoking her, the blonde knew, it had happened before in the past days. The first times she took the bait and fought Regina, which only ended in a heated argument and a fuming Regina that stormed off to her bedroom.

Now though, now Emma would just take the insults. Count to ten and accept the fact that Regina felt the need to lash out to deal with some of the emotions that must be swirling inside of the brunette's mind.

Regina huffed when she didn't get a response out of the blonde and turned back to her book.

In fair honesty in those five hours she had only come as far as a hundred pages since her focus seemed to slip every so often and she could feel the blonde woman's eyes on her. Those two eyes felt like they were setting her skin ablaze and thus focusing on her book suddenly became almost impossible.

There was something about the blonde woman that made her wander about thing she shouldn't even be wandering. She wandered how it would feel to be embraced by those strong arms. To be safely held against the lithe body of the blonde. To- No Regina, don't think that way. Don't. You were married to a beautiful and loving man, you had a child with that man. Nobody could ever replace that. And definitely not this soon. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fair to Daniel. To her baby boy Henry. It just wouldn't be something she could ever do… right? To find someone in her life that will hold her heart. To find someone she would love and that would love her in return?

No.

No that couldn't ever happen.

Never.

Or had it already started?


	7. Trust, Now That s a Complicated thing

_**WOW, so I had a super long break of writing, because i didnt feel well and my school life is preventing me fro writing anything at the moment, but please don´t give up on me just yet!**_

 **Trust, Now That's A Complicated Thing**

Emma was roused from her sleep when she heard the clattering of what seemed like... cutlery? Why would someone in heaven's name be doing something with cutlery at, wait what time was it? Emma got up from the bed and looked at the alarm clock next to her to see the red digital numbers shining back into her face, telling her it was 3:24 am in the morning. Emma furrowed her brow as she saw the time and felt something akin to anger bubble up inside of her, why for god's sake would anyone be out of bed at this moment.

The grumpy blonde went downstairs and walked to the kitchen to see what the hell Regina was doing when she got the scare of her life.

Regina was holding a big knife that glinted in the moonlight that shone into the kitchen through the windows, and Emma stood there with her jaw slack in shock. What the hell was Regina thinking, holding such a thing in the damned middle of the night. She carefully walked closer to the brunette with the glinting knife and saw that her eyes, instead of an intense brow, were a misty colour she couldn't determine. She was sleep walking.

Emma was kicked into action when the extremely sharp looking knife moved towards Regina's stomach, as if she wanted to stab herself. Emma was quicker though and forcefully grabbed olive toned wrists to stop her from going any further towards her stomach.

"No, please, I need to get this thing removed from me." The brunette whimpered in her sleepy state, the soft pleading voice sounded so young and made a horribly nasty shiver run down emma's spine, and she had to swallow away bile at the thought of what horrible kind of thing would be inside of her in her dream to want to cut it away.

"Calm down Regina, it's not real. It's a dream. please wake up." Emma softly said because she knew that forcefully waking someone when they sleepwalk is never, ever a good idea.

Two brown eyes blinked heavily and tears started to roll down Regina her cheeks as they finally regained their normal intensity. Regina let the knife clatter to the ground and flinched away from the hold Emma had on her, acting like the blonde's hands had burned her wrists, when she started to furiously rub them. "Go back upstairs Emma." Regina said as a mask slowly built itself around her facial expressions, and vocal chords again. tears drying and she herself bent down to put the knife back, all acting like nothing had ever happened.

Emma furrowed her brow and felt anger burn through her at that behaviour. "Fuck Regina! I don't get you. One moment you're all damned vulnerable and the next you're this heartless cold bitch." Emma snapped and immediately knew she had made a damned big mistake when she saw the hurt flash through those eyes before they grew completely cold again and looked at Emma with disdain.

"Shit Regina I didn't me-" " _Get out_ " Regina hissed in a dangerously low tone that made Emma wish she had been screaming at her. But like a scorned puppy she turned on her heels and dutifully walked upstairs to her guest room.

xxx

The week after that was horrible. For a whole damned week Emma saw what a damned big mistake she had made that night. Regina was just scared, felt threatened, and when hurt animals feel threatened they lash out, that was all that Regina has done. She had lashed out to protect herself from any danger of possible hurt for that moment.

The other thing that made the week even worse was that Emma was stuck with the pleading voice of Regina in her mind. She was worried sick for the brunette because she barely ate, and more than once Emma had to pluck an unconscious Regina from the ground, carry her to bed and when she woke pretend like it had never happened.

She felt like she was letting Regina, herself and Robin down. She had promised Robin that she would take care of the brunette, and she was failing horribly. Regina was looking thinner and thinner by the minute if that was even possible.

after a whole damned week, and a maximum of three or four words exchanged between them there was a soft knock on her door just as Emma was changing into her pajamas, which resulted in her opening the door in her pair of red panties and a white tank top.

"Thank you for waking me last week, I was a danger to myself and you stopped anything from happening. I am..." She started and sighed deeply before she continued, " I am sorry for responding the way that I did. it was unjustful to you." Regina said with great difficulty, which makes the surprised Emma even more surprised.

Emma hadn't even suspected this. She had thought that she would have been the one that would have to apologize to the brunette for the way that she had handled the things with her.

"Oh uhm, yeah, sure, you're forgiven, I'm sorry for my part in what happened as well though, you only lashed out because you were scared and stuff." Emma said and kicked herself for how incredibly stupid that all came out of her mouth, as if she were a clumsy seventeen year old all over again.

Regina's eyes flashed at that "I wasn't scared." She snapped before she even had the chance to reel herself in. "That came out wrong. But I wasn't scared. I'm never scared," Regina said a bit more calm. She didn't want anyone to see her weak, even if Emma had already witnessed said things multiple times already. She couldn't be weak, she would be preyed upon if Emma knew truly how weak she was, as the facade she put up was rather quickly dwindling down into just a pit of angry remarks in an attempt to shield herself from pain. If she could keep the pain at a far enough distance, she would be safe.

Emma had to bite her lip so she wouldn't fire something back, when she suddenly saw the raw vulnerability shine in those brown eyes, probably not what Regina wanted to show her, but those eyes screamed at her how raw she truly was at this second. How one wrong move or word could make this strong woman crumble to dust, so she took a steadying breath and nodded. "Alright you weren't scared, I get it." Emma says with her hands high is show of meaning no harm.

The blonde licked her lips nervous of what the hell she should do now, what was the right move to make? Talk to Regina more or let the brunette say something when she was ready? Should she comfort Regina? No comforting or touching wouldn't be appreciated right now she could see that, but what she should do wasn't easy for Emma for to guess.

The silence between them thickened, it weighed heavily down upon them. It was like this impenetrable wall was growing in between them as they stood, fed by the silence they both gave it. Emma wanted to mention, or more like ask if she would perhaps want to eat something, because the far too thin version of Regina in front of her was not healthy. She wasn't even remotely healthy, with her pale skin and her dark circles under her eyes. It made Emma ache for this woman that tried to be so strong on her own while she was broken and hurt.

"Shall we go and drink some tea in the living room?" The blonde woman asked instead and bafflingly, she got a nod in response to suggest the agreement Regina gave over the proposition. So they walked to the living room, sat down and didn't even make a move to make tea just yet.

"You know, when I was little, I was in the foster system."

"Emma, why would you tell me-"

"Just don't speak right now okay, you don't have to tell me anything right now, let me just talk okay? I only ask you to listen, you don't have to share anything yea?" Emma said and looked at a confused brunette that confirmed that she had understood by a soft _yes_ and another nod of the head, so Emma continued in her story that she wasn't even sure of.

"Okay, so, I grew up bouncing around from home to home, wit the promise to myself that one day when I was old enough I would run away and find my birth parents and ask them why the hell they threw me away at the side of the road." Emma started and when she looked at Regina, she saw the woman was curiously and silently listening with a look that, for some reason really soothed Emma.

"So when I was sixteen and I could leave the system I happily did so. It was rough having to steal for a living and somehow finding a way to be able to go to a school or course or something for being a detective, but after five years of struggling I became a PI, and well then I came to work for your firm. When I first became a PI though, I was obsessed with finding my birth parents.

I truly wanted to find them and to talk to them, ask them things and just see if I looked more like the man who made me or the woman. But after a long while of fruitless seeking I found out that the mystery behind them feels much better than actually knowing. Because now I can make them into the heroes they probably never were, if I were to meet them it would probably crush all my dreams I had about them, if they're still alive that is of course…

Anyways, that's a little bit about, you know, how I grew up I guess." Emma said and felt a kind of doubt bubble up inside of her. She looked over to Regina in search of something of a response, because just this silence that she was offered, was creeping her out in a way that she didn't want to know what it meant. She wanted Regina to say at least something, even if it was to ridicule her.

So when she did look over to the brunette she was met with moved eyes, moved, apparently by her tragic story of a childhood? or because even though her life beat her down she fought back and kept her hope alive and burning, not letting anything or anyone douse the flame. She looked at Regina's eyes for a second time to really read them, because they seemed a vortex of a vary of emotions that were coiling inside of Regina as well.

They looked haunted, she decided, those brown eyes looked at her in a haunted way that she had no idea of what it could be telling her. Because, even though those eyes told you a lot of what Regina was really feeling, they didn't tell Emma why Regina was feeling said emotion. It was always a guessing game when the brunette in front of her shot straight into defensive mode when asked about anything remotely personal.

Emma shook out of her revery when she saw a tears run down Regina's cheek and she was in total panic mode. This wasn't supposed to happen when telling about her childhood, she just wanted to distract Regina from her own mind and her own demons by sharing something personal of herself, so that Regina could perhaps understand Emma and her ways better. She wanted to give Regina the opportunity to have more knowledge than her because perhaps that way she could earn the trust of the brunette without too much trouble.

"You're brave." Regina whispered as she didn't even seem to notice the tears sliding down her cheeks as her eyes didn't stop taking the blonde in that she now saw in a different light. This story had reminded her so of her own past that her demons that had haunted her in the past still haunted her now. She wished she could tell Emma some of her own demons, but she couldn't. She couldn't say the words.


	8. I Know You Mean Well

_**I am so sorry that I have been gone for this long but I had a few very rough patches to work through in my life. Anyways, I have a tumbr now with the same name as my username on here , so if you are interested, then follow me on there. I'm going to be doing more updates again, so dont worry there.**_

 _ **Ill also be doing these little song quotes at the beginning of chapters.**_

* * *

 _I paint the sky back,_

 _So it fits the mood of your soul._

 _What can I do?_

 _Life is beautiful,_

 _But you don't have a clue._

 _Sun and ocean blue,_

 _Their magnificence_

 _it don't make sense to you._

 _Black beauty._

 _\- Lana Del Rey_

* * *

 ** _I Know You Mean Well_**

Regina walked through her kitchen, the clock striking ten in the evening and she was alone for the first time in four weeks. It was like the loneliness reverberated through the whole house as her footsteps echoed through the kitchen. The echoes just confirming that she was truly and utterly alone at the moment. Emma would be back in two days she said. Wanting to see how Regina would cope with the fact that she wouldn't have anyone to rely on if she felt horrible.

"I'm so scared." She whispered to herself as her hands automatically got the tumbler filled with her rather strong whiskey, filling up a glass for herself, no ice added so it would just be pure and strong alcohol that would pulse through her system. A liquid dinner it was for today.

Just then it dawned on her that two weeks ago she was supposed to defend the girl Mary Margaret in court and she felt a rush of anxiety and worry thrum through her veins before she thought about the fact that Robin would have probably taken that case and defended her just as well as Regina would probably have been able to do so she calms herself down and sips at the whiskey.

Alcohol burning down her throat and for a moment making her feel a little more alive again before her system begged for her to do it again, so she could feel it burn again and have that same rush. So she took a larger sip to get the same effect and soon she was on her third glass of the alcoholic drink while she slowly made her way over to the dinner table and sat down on the surface of it. Something she wouldn't have done if her brain wasn't nicely muddled with alcohol making everything hazy and soft around her.

Her proper manners would have forced her to sit down on a chair at the table like she was taught by her mother, her mother, god what a vile woman that was. Regina her nails dug into the palm of her hand hard enough to make herself notice the pain, even through the alcohol induced haze that seemed to be clouding her normal responses. Just thinking about that woman made her blood boil, and now that there was no one around she could let out a scream so loud, and so overflowing with pure hatred she was sure she had just ruined her voice. No Emma to run towards her scared of what happened to her to gain such a response. Perhaps being alone was a good thing for her, nobody should have to bear the torture of being around her right at this moment anyways.

Like Graham had once said, _nobody likes an emotional little girl, so don't act like one._ He had said it multiple times after he would slap her, kick her, force her into sex, anything that made her eyes water the slightest, her would repeat that phrase over and over until she would start to listen to it and stopped any emotions from shining though a carefully constructed mask.

It was strange for her, to think that far back. Somehow she had taught herself not to think back further than six years, so she would only remember the happy years with Daniel, and her father finally being there for her. Or four years ago when Henry Jr. was born. Having that little squirming baby in her arms that started at her with enormous blue eyes that were curious about the world around it, after a horrible nine month pregnancy that had taken almost everything out of her. She knew she wouldn't have been able to go through it without the amazing support Daniel had given her.

But since they were gone, it was like that barrier of her memory had disappeared. The wall she had built so she wouldn't think about more than five years ago was now gone, completely disappeared together with them. The alcohol only helped her though, making it easier to go back to dark times, almost as if the liquid lured her towards them.

Was that how she ended up in the hospital the last time? Because she was so intoxicated, that the alcohol was able to lure all her most horrible memories out and pus her over the edge far enough to crack?

She didn't really know, but this alone-time was making her think in ways she shouldn't probably be doing. She really was an absolute mess and she hated the fact that she was being this weak. Perhaps she should just go back to work tomorrow, it would be Saturday tomorrow, almost nobody would be in that day because they valued their weekend rather a lot. So almost nobody would spot her in the state she was now. Best of all though, Emma wouldn't be in. No that wasn't best of all, that was rather sad. No. No that was good. Yes not seeing Emma was good. She had to remember that, and keep herself reminded of the fact or she would probably forget about it and hate herself for the fact afterwards. She knew she would. She knew she _should._

She took her fourth glass and walked over to her couch, well tried to walk over but perhaps it was more of a stumble now. Normally you would fill you glass with just a bottom of whiskey, because everyone knows it's quite the strong liquor, but Regina was drinking glasses almost filled to the rim with them. So she was rather drunk, especially on her empty stomach. This did fill her stomach in a way though, the hunger disappeared, or perhaps she didn't notice it anymore.

That was another problem that had come with their passing, especially because Daniel wasn't here anymore to remind her that her mother didn't have control over her, and that she should really eat, because he needed his wife healthy, little Henry also needed her healthy, that had been her reason to properly eat again, but with her reasons to eat gone, why would she?

Nobody knew about her bad eating habits, she was hiding them incredibly well, if she could say so herself. And her wider clothing would hide the fact that she was losing weight. When she looked in the mirror she could even see the difference, so she wouldn't have lost that much weight, it wasn't possible. Perhaps she should dine like this more often, because it helped her relax, and made her hunger stop. It really was rather the ideal solution.

An annoying ringing pierced through the silence that hang in her house and she snarled at it to shut up, only then did she realise it was her phone ringing and she stood up and got it with only little trouble.

"Yes?"

"Regina, Hey it's Emma, I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay this first day alone after being in the hospital." During the time Emma had spent there they had gown a little bit closer, or well rather a lot actually but neither of them truly wanted to admit that.

"I do not need anyone checking up on me Emma, so shhhhh, and just hang up." Regina said slurring her words quite a bit.

"Wait Regina are you seriously drunk?!" Emma asked and Regina didn't understand why she would sound this angry and concerned about it. She had thought Emma had stayed here because of some sort of guilt complex the blonde had, but it seemed that there was something close to care or just care for Regina in Emma.

"I am _not_ drunk Emma, why would you ask?" Regina asked and focused as best as she could on talking properly, which worked surprisingly well. She could still handle her liquor.

"You certainly are. Regina you shouldn't be drinking that shit for another few months." Emma said and Regina discovered a hint of tiredness in that voice and guilt flooded her system. She had taken up a month of Emma's time and now she was stealing her only few free days as well with her irresponsible behaviour.

"I know you mean well Emma, but I'm fine."

"I should come over. You're drunk."

"No you shouldn't." And with that Regina hung up. Guilt now mixing with anger at herself, and at Emma for intruding on her own few free nights as well. Who did Emma think that she was? That self-righteous, egocentric little bitch. _Crash_. Her glass and half of her fourth glass were shattered against the wall. She didn't even know her body threw it until her hand had already let go. It felt good though, it felt good and she wanted to do it again, but perhaps that would be a waste of perfectly fine glasses. No one glass was enough, tomorrow she would clean it up, for now she would just step around the shards of glass that would otherwise dig into her skin until it would have enough pressure to break the skin and draw blood.

Should she? Draw blood. Just step on one shard sharp enough to make that physical pain shoot to he and make her feel alive, give her that rush that alcohol couldn't give her now because she already had too much for that. Just a little wound couldn't harm her in any way really, so why not? No, then Emma would find her wounded and think it her fault because she left Regina alone.

She shouldn't do anything self-destructive anymore because Emma wouldn't probably ever leave her alone anymore if she did.

Was that so bad? Emma not leaving her alone. The beautiful woman being around her all of the time, making sure she was okay and caring for her when caring for herself would become too much for Regina? That would make her weak if she did that. And Regina would be anything but weak. Being weak would be letting her mother win when she called her weak for not taking the punishments like she had wanted Regina to do.

So she would step around the shards. She would step around them and right now walk to bed before anything else happened. That was her plan and that was what should happen.

So She walked around the shards of glass, but not far enough. A shard dug into her skin, it was like a thorn made of glass was suddenly jammed into her foot and she clenched her jaw in pain. She continued to walk upstairs but now on her toes so she wouldn't put any pressure of the piece of glass in her foot.

When she made it to her bed she sat down and took the piece of glass out. It wasn't big. The wound on her foot now started to bleed rather badly to she walked on her toes to her bathroom and got out the medical kit. With her drunken head she bandaged it as best as she could and when she was hay enough with the result she walked back to her bed and laid down. Sleeping was the smartest option for now. And then tomorrow when her hangover was over, she would go to the office and pick up her work again.

Emma stepped over the threshold of Regina's house an hour after the phone call. She had quickly showered after Regina abruptly stopped their conversation and worry had overtaken every single sense of her. So after her quick and refreshing shower she got ready and then drove over to Regina. She just needed to make sure that the brunette was truly as okay as she had said, because she could hear the misery in Regina's voice, and of course that Regina was really rather drunk.

Emma locked the door behind her, she was quite grateful to her past self for getting a key of the house when Regina wasn't looking. Yes that was stealing and thus illegal, and doing something illegal to a top notch lawyer wasn't the smartest thing one could do, but she was just worried and she knew Regina wouldn't let her in if she was upset. So she decided to take the key as a failsafe, if Regina wouldn't let her in.

After five minutes of ringing and no answer at the doorbell, she used the key and walked inside of the large house and went and looked for Regina. When he saw the shattered glass and the liquid residue on the wall and floor she sighed and shook her head slightly.

Emma carefully started to clean up when she saw a little drip of blood, which made her worry burst into flames inside of her again, and suddenly she found herself rushing through the fact of cleaning everything so she could continue her search for the woman, even though she had a rather strong hunch as to where Regina was right at this moment.

When Emma had cleaned everything she went upstairs and found Regina in her bed soundly sleeping, little drips of blood leading from her bed to the bathroom, and then her eyes fell of the bandaged foot. A dark red patch shining through the white of it.

She walked to the bathroom got the discarded medical kit and sat at the foot end of Regina's bed. Hoisting the wounded foot onto her lap, unwrapping the sloppily done bandage, and firstly cleaned the wound before she properly wrapped it up. Regina didn't even wake while doing so, which made it clear to Emma that Regina must have really been rather drunk to sleep this fast.

"Don't worry Regina, I'll stay here with you." Emma whispered quietly as she softly caressed the smooth expanse of Regina her ankle. It was really scary to see Regina her thin calves, it seemed to be just bone and muscle. God this woman really was completely destroying herself. Which made Emma question just how lost in sorrow and misery Regina really was. Perhaps there was far more behind the brunette than just that accident and the little other glimpses she had been granted permission to see.

Emma found that she really wanted to know what it was, her curiosity growing to unravel the mystery that was Regina mills and perhaps help her as best as Emma herself was able to. Yes she was trying to help Regina now, but she perhaps had been doubting t give up. Though now she probably was more determined than ever to help Regina and maybe make her smile again.


	9. We're all so fragile, aren't we?

**_Hey guys, So I am actually keeping up, or keeping up as best as I can, with updating my stories. There are quite the few flashbacks in this chapter, and they will continue throughout the next few so you really get to know how Regina and Daniel get together, and perhaps how that mirrors Regina her experiences with Emma._**

 ** _Stay tuned for more in the upcoming weeks, and perhaps if you're bored of me not updating this fic, take a quick look at my other SQ ones ;)_**

 ** _X._**

* * *

 _We'd be so less fragile if we're made from metal,_

 _and our hearts from iron,_

 _and our minds from steel._

 _If we built an armour for our tender bodies_

 _could we love each other,_

 _would we strip to feel?_

 _Three Wishes_

 _-The Pierces_

* * *

Regina shook her head. 'Emma just give up; I don't need anything. I've already eaten supper.' She lies smoothly and Emma doesn't believe a word of it.

'You're eating it, or I'll force feed you.' Emma said sternly. She had had enough of Regina's shit. 'I've had to pick you up from the floor unconscious twice in as many days. You should be happy I'm not calling the ambulance on you when it happens, or you will be in the hospital for at least a week, if not more.' She threatened and she saw it had effect for Regina looked suddenly taken aback, and for once, the lawyer was silent, _thank god for that._

Emma looked at Regina and felt perhaps only a slight bit guilty for the rather harsh words. But that was soon gone, because the woman in front of her needed the truth. The harsh reality.

'Well, then call your precious ambulance.' Regina hissed and stalked away from Emma with an anger that had only corrupted her seconds ago, but had already taken over her whole body. Hands in tight, knuckle whitening fists. Her blood boiling, and her form trembling. She was unsteady on her feet and she knew she should have been eating more.

Her body had protested every step of the way to her bedroom and her arm barely had the strength left to slam it closed, but she did, and that was that. She had showed that insolent little blonde that nobody threatened her like that.

It had been going so well between them. She had opened up a bit to the woman to her great spite. Emma knew some of her weaknesses now. She could use it against her, and Regina would be left defenceless.

She toppled down on her bed, left breathless by the slight bit of exercise she had to do and she tried to swallow through her dry throat. Why did Emma have to ruin this. Why did she have to threaten with an ambulance? Didn't the woman get that an ambulance was literally the last thing she would want to see?

 _Regina slowly opened her eyes and looked around her. Only then did she realise the ringing in her ears was so bad that she couldn't even hear what the people were trying to ask her. A young Robin stood by her side, seventeen at the most. His brown had been furrowed and her look at her with panic shining in those blue eyes._

 _He was worried about her. For what? What had happened, because she couldn't even come close to remembering what the problem had been for her to be in this thing. She couldn't remember a thing and that was when she got truly frightened._

 _Her heart rate sped up, monitors, of course, started to screech with alarms as her body went into shock. People tried to talk to her, but her panic only grew as she felt like the ambulance walls were closing in on her and she gasped for breath. She suddenly noticed she was crying, sobbing, and she didn't know why._

 _She saw Robin screaming to someone that was just out of her line of sight, she tried to move her head to see who it was but two large, cold hands stopped her from doing so. The ringing in her ears was gone now, but it had been replaced by the pounding of her heart. Her panic didn't ebb away like it normally did, if she had a panic attack and she didn't know what to do._

 _She blamed it on the ambulance. She blamed it on the hands that wouldn't let her look away from a terrified Robin. She blamed it on all of them. On every single scrap of metal in the car. Every single particle of dust. On every damned atom._

 _Something was put over her mouth which caused her brain to go fuzzy and her eyes fluttered closed just before the whole world disappeared._

 _She woke up with murmurs of voices around her. They had to be from Robin and perhaps a doctor of some kind. Her parents wouldn't care. Her father perhaps. Not her mother. Maybe Robin and her father Henry were conversing with each other?_

 _She slowly opened her eyes, still not being able to remember why she was here in the first place, and she was intent on asking Robin. When she opened her eyes though, she was met with to blue eyes she had never seen before. A boy, not a boy, he was definitely over eighteen. A man? He looked too innocent though, too kind, to be a grown man. She settled on stranger._

 _'_ _What are you doing here? You aren't allowed into here are you?' Regina asked, her voice was weaker than she had wished it to be. It was barely there, but that didn't seem to bother the boy at all._ Stranger. _It didn't seem to bother the_ stranger _at all. It seemed like it just invited him further into her room._

 _'_ _I was curious about you. Everybody was really secretive when I asked who you were. I met your friend Robin. He had to go home for a second to sort something and then asked me to wait here. He said you shouldn't wake up alone.' The stranger with the blue eyes said and Regina didn't know what to say and thus, she nodded softly._

 _After a few minutes of silence, that oddly enough, weren't uncomfortable, she cleared her throat in hope he voice would sound a little better that way._

 _'_ _Do you know why I'm here?' She asked curiously. Maybe Robin had explained it to the stranger. 'Oh, and what is your name?' she rushed out when she realised she hadn't even asked for it yet, her cheeks growing a bright red._

 _'_ _Daniel. I am Daniel Hayes.' He only answered and then boldly sat down at the foot of her bed, which suddenly made her breath hitch. Why? She didn't know. There just was something about him._

 _'_ _Alright Daniel. How long have you been at my bedside, staring at me?' Regina asked, not really minding her had ignored her other question, he probably just didn't know either. And then she was really surprised at her own thoughts. Normally she wouldn't think as easily as this. Normally she would insist on a proper answer._

 _'_ _I'd say I have been here for about an hour. But forty minutes of that hour, I'd talked away with Robin. Is he your boyfriend?' Daniel asked and Regina looked at him surprised, before she scrunched her nose up in disgust._

 _'_ _No, never. He's more like my brother than anything else I suppose. I have been living with him and his family for the past two months.' Regina said and looked at him. 'Why?'_

 _'_ _Hmmm, just thinking.' He answered silently. 'You know; I still don't even know your name, may I have it?' He asked politely and Regina gave him the smallest of smile, which for her was a great feat already._

 _'_ _Oh. I suppose yes.' She said taken aback by his polite approach all of a sudden and with a shy smile on her face she gave her name._

 _He returned the smile with a big grin of himself. 'Nice to meet you Regina. I promise I'll be back tomorrow, around ten in the morning yeah?' He said with a sudden, brazen enthusiasm which made Regina herself feel a little giddy._

 _He hurried out of the room, muttering to himself a little as he was brimming with ideas and things to do, before tomorrow morning._

 _'_ _What has you smiling like a love-sick teenager?' Robin asked as her had apparently entered the room. Regina hadn't even noticed._

 _'_ _Daniel. That boy you told to keep watch over me while you were gone and- wait a minute, why did you leave some stranger waiting for you return in my room. Why am I here, by the way?' Regina asked and looked at Robin. His eyes that normally seemed incredibly blue, now seemed pale in comparison to those of Daniel._

 _'_ _He was really nice. Wishes to be a writer. His current story is about a girl that has a troubled home and troubles with herself. He saw you lying there and we started talking. I think you've become his muse Reg.' Robin says with a chuckle as he looks at his friend that is blushing furiously all of a sudden._

 _'_ _You didn't tell him too much about me, did you?' Regina asked softly as she looked at Robin uncertain._

 _'_ _No of course not, and to answer your question of why you are here, I think you know that yourself.' He says with a sigh._

 _'_ _I had another one of my really bad fainting spells didn't I?' Regina said. She received a nod and felt ashamed. She hadn't eaten in three days and had done all kinds of her normal exercises. She wanted to stay in shape, she had told herself._

 _The last few times she had fainted Robin had let it slip, but this time he hadn't. Apparently. 'You wouldn't wake up after fifteen minutes and I got too worried, so I called an ambulance. I could just put them on speed dial if you keep going at it like this Reg.' Robin said honestly, because evading the truth wouldn't be smart right now._

 _'_ _They want you to stay here for a week. You will be fed through a tube and hydrated through IVs and everything. You are lacked several really important nutrients and vitamins.' He said seriously._

 _Regina felt her blushing self, turn serious in a second. She nodded sullenly and swallowed hard. 'I'm sorry. I had a relapse I suppose, when I saw my mother in court two weeks ago I just didn't know what I could do, and then she looked at me so disapprovingly-'_

 _'_ _Regina, It's okay. It's okay. Don't worry yourself too much now okay? Can you tell me what happened in the Ambulance?' He asked softly and she shakes her head._

 _'_ _No. Not now. Perhaps tomorrow. Or in a few weeks. I don't want to talk anymore.' Regina said, her good mood completely gone. She turned on her side and closed her eyes, hoping that perhaps sleep would take her._

'Regina, are you with me?' She heard Emma's soft voice ask her and her eyes fluttered open again. She hadn't even noticed she fell asleep again. Did she fall asleep?

'Yes. When did you get in my room? You're not allowed here. You need to-'

'I'm not going anywhere. Regina, just let me help you.' Emma said softly and looked at Regina with a hint of pain in her eyes for the woman. Someone who always knew wat to do, the most powerful lawyer in the city, now broken down into the woman that could barely manage to get though a whole damned day.

'What if I do not desire your help.' It was a lie. A big fat lie and they both knew it. They both knew that she desired very much to be helped by Emma, but her pride, her stubbornness wouldn't let her go down without a fight.

'You do. Please, I brought some really low in fat and carbs, and all the things you probably wouldn't want to eat, but high in protein. You need it for your muscles you're burning through, and for your energy. Will you eat it?' Emma asked as she held out the food as a peace offering.

Regina took it with trembling hands, and decided that perhaps she should try to eat again. she wouldn't be able to go back to her law firm if she didn't.

Emma sighed in relief and smiled gratefully at Regina, which to Emma's surprise, was returned in a small, perhaps shy form.

Emma reminded Regina a bit of Daniel. Of his good, and yet bold nature. Of his taken no nonsense from her, but still wanting to help her. It felt so strange to think like that, but her dream she had reminded her of how alike the two were in a way.

That evening Emma and Regina were chatting away a bit. Regina noticed Emma had a question on her lips, but never asked it and she got rather annoyed by it.

'Oh just ask what you want to ask Emma, I know there's something on your mind that you want to know from me, so why don't you just ask it?' Regina said with a sigh and Emma had to blink a few times to register what Regina had said. She had gotten permission of the woman to ask, that was a first.

'What did you dream off when I woke you? You seemed to first smile brightly before your face got ever so serious again…' Emma said and let the question trail off as she looked at Regina that swallowed hard and then started to explain how it was about the first time she had met her late husband.

 _Regina slowly woke up from a long night of sleep and when she rubbed her eyes to rid it of sleep she found two bright blue eyes that almost seemed electric staring at her._

 _'_ _It's already eleven you sleepyhead.' He said with a soft chuckle that warmed her inside in the best way she could have ever imagined. She took him in, still half waking up and noticed he had a sketch pad, and a notebook._

 _'_ _Why do you have all those things with you?' Regina asked and pointed at them, but had to be careful not to pull out any important tubes._

 _'_ _I'm sketching my protagonist of the book I'm writing. You two look very alike, did you know?' Daniel said with a playful smile and it was contagious, for he got Regina to smile as well._

 _'_ _Oh! Oh, okay stay like that.' He said with great enthusiasm as she smiled and she looked at him confused, but tried to keep her face frozen in the smile he had drawn out of her, which didn't seem to be too hard if she just kept looking at him._

 _His tongue peeking out from behind his lips in the uppermost concentration as he made a portrait of her._

 _'_ _Why am I the protagonist of the story? I don't think I would be a good example for anyone, nor am I interesting enough to write a whole book about.' Regina said and looked at him questioningly._

 _'_ _don't underestimate yourself. I think that you, Regina, are the most interesting person that I have ever had the immense pleasure of meeting.' He said with a smile that could melt the coldest heart. His eyes sparkling with mirth._

 _'_ _But why me?'_

 _'_ _Why not you?' He countered quickly and before she could say anything else about it he showed her the sketch of her smiling at him. She saw herself smiling back at her, he even got the scar on her lip right._

 _'_ _God, you're really talented, you shouldn't waste that on me.' Regina said and he only chuckled at that._

 _'_ _I think I'd rather waste all my paper and every pencil I own while drawing you, than using it for something else. You're truly stunning, if I may say so.' He said with a small blush of his own this time. Even brave boys blushed it seemed._

 _'_ _You're utterly mad.' Regina said but couldn't hold back her chuckle as she blushed and looked down at his compliment._

 _'_ _Oh, no, now don't look down. I'd miss looking at your face.' He said, his bravado growing again as he saw the effect he had on her._

 _'_ _You're a terrible flirt, you know that? A terrible, horrible flirt.'_

 _'_ _Ah, but it is working though, isn't it?'_

 _'_ _Perhaps. But you know who I am. You have probably seen the news, read the articles. You wouldn't want to get involved with someone like me.' Regina warned him, because the boy had the right to know._

 _'_ _Let me be the judge of that please. I know what brought you here, your chart told me, and I might have seen the coverage in the media of some of the things you're going through, but that doesn't mean I know who you are. I would only know who you are if you would let me get to know you.' He said suddenly very serious about it all._

 _'_ _Are you serious? I-I mean; you know the huge trouble I have at the moment. No sane person would want to get into that. My last girlfriend couldn't take it.' Regina said softly and Daniel just shrugged._

 _'_ _I am mad remember, you said it yourself just now.' He reminded her with a grin and then leaned in to kiss her cheek. 'I have to go now, but I promise I'll be back tomorrow, same time.' He said and then went on his way without giving Regina the possibility to even really respond._

 _The boy was truly mad. Absolutely insane. And yet she felt her heart flutter at the idea of him returning the next day. For him showing a true interest in who she was. And he couldn't deny that being his muse, the one that inspired a character in his book in the making, made her feel flattered._

 _Perhaps there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps not all was lost._


End file.
